


The Lost Path

by cernicalo



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Abuse, Anal Sex, Angst, Biting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape, Religion, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-27
Updated: 2009-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 21:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 24
Words: 41,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/905185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cernicalo/pseuds/cernicalo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair makes a mistake and tries to leave only to learn that things don't go so well when he's on his own.</p><p>Originally posted at WWOMB in May, 2009.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Blair sat at the table, typing into his laptop.  “ _Humanity has long dug into its past in the hope that it will shed light on its future. Perhaps what this reveals is that it is the best of ourselves that will survive and lead us through the next millennium. Watching our every step will be our tribal protectors -- the Sentinels -- and their insight will further illuminate the spiritual connection of all things._ ”  He typed in the final words " _The End_." 

He was lost in contemplation of the next step in his dissertation when he was surprised by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around him and startling him. 

“Sweetheart.” 

Standing, Blair turned to see his Mom.

“Hi, honey.”  

“Hi, mom. What are you doing here?” he asked while hugging her. 

“Oh, I'm visiting my favorite son.” 

“Your favorite son?” 

“Mm-hmm.”  Naomi held him tightly as she smiled her answer. 

“I'm your only son, right?” 

“Mm-hmm.” 

“Mm-hmm.”  Blair smiled his own answer right back at her. 

Later, Blair finished printing his dissertation while Naomi made some tea.  They chatted lightly as he finished picking up.  “You should have told me you were coming, I’d have made some tongue.”

“Well, I left messages on your machine last night.” 

“Oh, last night. I had the phone turned off.  I was finishing up my paper.” 

“Your thesis?  Is this your thesis?  Is it finished?” 

“Yes, it's done, but it's just a first draft and it needs a lot of work.” 

“Honey, you've always been your own worst critic.  I'm sure it's wonderful.  Why don't you let me read it?  I'll give you some feedback.” 

“No, no, no, no.  It's just not good enough yet.  And I want you to be really proud, all right?  Just let it be, okay?  Now, I'm sorry I can't visit right now.  I got to go meet Jim.” 

“Okay.  Uh, is it going to be dangerous?” 

“Uh, no, Ma.  You know better than that.  I'm just an observer.”  And with that, Blair grabbed his backpack and left the loft.  It never occurred to him to lock anything up.  

\------------------------------

They were assigned to protect a union boss named Jack Bartley.  The local shipping companies weren’t too happy with his efforts to unite the longshoremen so one of Jim’s old foes, Klaus Zeller a.k.a. “The Iceman”, was hired to take care of him. 

But it wasn’t the Iceman that caused the shit to literally hit the fan later when Blair found out that Naomi, in her efforts to help him with his thesis, had emailed it to an old friend of hers, Sid Graham, the senior editor of a large publishing house.  The media chaos that resulted when excerpts were released to the press left Jim with a sense of betrayal he never would have believed possible.  He had trusted Blair with his secret.

Silently, they crossed the docks.  Blair looked at his feet as he followed the big man before him.  “Why aren't you saying anything?” 

“There's nothing to say, Chief.  It's all been said.  It's out.  It's over.  There's no going back.  I just thought we had an agreement that I was going to read your thesis first.” 

“We did.  Look, I didn't do this.”  Blair’s hands spread out before him in supplication as he tried to convey his innocence. 

“Right.  You didn't write the book and you didn't put my name all over it.”  Disdain sharpened the features that Blair knew so well.

“Well, of course I did, but I was planning on changing your name and probably even mine to protect you.  I just hadn't figured out a way to do that without compromising the documentation.” 

“You said this Sid is throwing a lot of money in your face, right? 

“Yeah.”  Blair wasn’t sure where Jim was going with that question.

“All right, just to generate publicity for the sake of generating publicity without even having a deal because he wants to, what?  Toss it, uh, in your face, like a dangling carrot?” 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute.  Stop.  What are you trying to say, I was part of this from the start?  You think that's what I'm about?”  Blair couldn’t believe this.  It wasn’t about money, or fame, or any of that stuff.  

But Jim persisted in saying that Blair had failed to say anything due to a guilty conscience, that Blair really had planned it.  Besides, even if he didn’t, Blair _knew_ his Mom.  Jim couldn’t believe that Blair had let the subject go with a simple request that his Mom leave it alone. 

“I thought it was over.  My mom was doing what she thought was right.  She didn't know what it was about.” 

“So how the hell did your mother get her hands on this?  It seems to me that it would be monumentally stupid to leave something like that lying around like coffee-table reading.”

Shocked, Blair had no response to that.  He _had_ left it easily accessible.  It never occurred to him to do otherwise.  Jim had always called him a trouble magnet.  A thought niggled its way into his brain.  He wasn’t a trouble magnet…it was his own actions that caused this to happen.  His own stupid actions.

“Chief, you got a great opportunity here. It's a once-in-a-lifetime play.  Go for the brass ring. Good luck, huh?”  Disgusted, Jim walked off. 

And if Blair thought it couldn’t get any worse, he soon found out how wrong he was.  The report came out over the noon news.

“ _In the jungles of Peru, his senses were heightened from prolonged isolation and the fight for survival. Now, Detective James Ellison is a Sentinel in the fight against crime -- seeing before others see, sensing what others can't. According to a Rainier University anthropologist, it would seem Cascade has its own super cop whose powers make him a guardian for us all_.”

Everyone in the bullpen sat in stunned silence.  Then the laughter started.  Horrified, Jim tried to walk out of the bullpen but was stopped by Brown asking if he could hear what his wife was saying about him at her ladies’ luncheon.  Jim tried to make light of it, but his stomach was churning.  Then the questions started about what actor was going to play each of them in the upcoming TV show.  Blair was speechless.  He turned and watched helplessly while Jim left, his jaw grinding down so hard Blair was sure his teeth were crumbling.  Blair tried to follow, but he was held back by everyone bowing before him with chants of “We’re not worthy…”

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Blair sat at the table, typing into his laptop.  “ _Humanity has long dug into its past in the hope that it will shed light on its future. Perhaps what this reveals is that it is the best of ourselves that will survive and lead us through the next millennium. Watching our every step will be our tribal protectors -- the Sentinels -- and their insight will further illuminate the spiritual connection of all things._ ”  He typed in the final words " _The End_." 

He was lost in contemplation of the next step in his dissertation when he was surprised by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around him and startling him. 

“Sweetheart.” 

Standing, Blair turned to see his Mom.

“Hi, honey.”  

“Hi, mom. What are you doing here?” he asked while hugging her. 

“Oh, I'm visiting my favorite son.” 

“Your favorite son?” 

“Mm-hmm.”  Naomi held him tightly as she smiled her answer. 

“I'm your only son, right?” 

“Mm-hmm.” 

“Mm-hmm.”  Blair smiled his own answer right back at her. 

Later, Blair finished printing his dissertation while Naomi made some tea.  They chatted lightly as he finished picking up.  “You should have told me you were coming, I’d have made some tongue.”

“Well, I left messages on your machine last night.” 

“Oh, last night. I had the phone turned off.  I was finishing up my paper.” 

“Your thesis?  Is this your thesis?  Is it finished?” 

“Yes, it's done, but it's just a first draft and it needs a lot of work.” 

“Honey, you've always been your own worst critic.  I'm sure it's wonderful.  Why don't you let me read it?  I'll give you some feedback.” 

“No, no, no, no.  It's just not good enough yet.  And I want you to be really proud, all right?  Just let it be, okay?  Now, I'm sorry I can't visit right now.  I got to go meet Jim.” 

“Okay.  Uh, is it going to be dangerous?” 

“Uh, no, Ma.  You know better than that.  I'm just an observer.”  And with that, Blair grabbed his backpack and left the loft.  It never occurred to him to lock anything up.  

\------------------------------

They were assigned to protect a union boss named Jack Bartley.  The local shipping companies weren’t too happy with his efforts to unite the longshoremen so one of Jim’s old foes, Klaus Zeller a.k.a. “The Iceman”, was hired to take care of him. 

But it wasn’t the Iceman that caused the shit to literally hit the fan later when Blair found out that Naomi, in her efforts to help him with his thesis, had emailed it to an old friend of hers, Sid Graham, the senior editor of a large publishing house.  The media chaos that resulted when excerpts were released to the press left Jim with a sense of betrayal he never would have believed possible.  He had trusted Blair with his secret.

Silently, they crossed the docks.  Blair looked at his feet as he followed the big man before him.  “Why aren't you saying anything?” 

“There's nothing to say, Chief.  It's all been said.  It's out.  It's over.  There's no going back.  I just thought we had an agreement that I was going to read your thesis first.” 

“We did.  Look, I didn't do this.”  Blair’s hands spread out before him in supplication as he tried to convey his innocence. 

“Right.  You didn't write the book and you didn't put my name all over it.”  Disdain sharpened the features that Blair knew so well.

“Well, of course I did, but I was planning on changing your name and probably even mine to protect you.  I just hadn't figured out a way to do that without compromising the documentation.” 

“You said this Sid is throwing a lot of money in your face, right? 

“Yeah.”  Blair wasn’t sure where Jim was going with that question.

“All right, just to generate publicity for the sake of generating publicity without even having a deal because he wants to, what?  Toss it, uh, in your face, like a dangling carrot?” 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute.  Stop.  What are you trying to say, I was part of this from the start?  You think that's what I'm about?”  Blair couldn’t believe this.  It wasn’t about money, or fame, or any of that stuff.  

But Jim persisted in saying that Blair had failed to say anything due to a guilty conscience, that Blair really had planned it.  Besides, even if he didn’t, Blair _knew_ his Mom.  Jim couldn’t believe that Blair had let the subject go with a simple request that his Mom leave it alone. 

“I thought it was over.  My mom was doing what she thought was right.  She didn't know what it was about.” 

“So how the hell did your mother get her hands on this?  It seems to me that it would be monumentally stupid to leave something like that lying around like coffee-table reading.”

Shocked, Blair had no response to that.  He _had_ left it easily accessible.  It never occurred to him to do otherwise.  Jim had always called him a trouble magnet.  A thought niggled its way into his brain.  He wasn’t a trouble magnet…it was his own actions that caused this to happen.  His own stupid actions.

“Chief, you got a great opportunity here. It's a once-in-a-lifetime play.  Go for the brass ring. Good luck, huh?”  Disgusted, Jim walked off. 

And if Blair thought it couldn’t get any worse, he soon found out how wrong he was.  The report came out over the noon news.

“ _In the jungles of Peru, his senses were heightened from prolonged isolation and the fight for survival. Now, Detective James Ellison is a Sentinel in the fight against crime -- seeing before others see, sensing what others can't. According to a Rainier University anthropologist, it would seem Cascade has its own super cop whose powers make him a guardian for us all_.”

Everyone in the bullpen sat in stunned silence.  Then the laughter started.  Horrified, Jim tried to walk out of the bullpen but was stopped by Brown asking if he could hear what his wife was saying about him at her ladies’ luncheon.  Jim tried to make light of it, but his stomach was churning.  Then the questions started about what actor was going to play each of them in the upcoming TV show.  Blair was speechless.  He turned and watched helplessly while Jim left, his jaw grinding down so hard Blair was sure his teeth were crumbling.  Blair tried to follow, but he was held back by everyone bowing before him with chants of “We’re not worthy…”

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Jim stared out of the waiting room window while Joel talked on the phone.  He and Joel were waiting for news on both Simon and Megan.  _Those shots were meant for me_ , he thought bitterly.  Zeller had fired through Simon’s window while he’d been in the office with him.  It was just chance that Zeller had fired when Simon had bent down in front of Jim while they looked at the rally photos.  And then Megan had come through the door at about the same time.  She caught the second bullet.  Jim ran a hand over his face.  _And on any other day, Blair would have been in the office, too.  He could have been shot as well._  And that thought scared the hell out of him.  He found himself grateful that Blair hadn’t been with him.  He wouldn’t have been able to bear it if Blair had been hurt because of him.

“Jim, just got the report.  The bullet is a titanium alloy with a teflon coating, like the one that hit the dummy.”  Joel said referring to the dummy they’d set up to impersonate Bartley at the start of the case.  Zeller had again shot through the window and had used the same type of ammo.  

Jim just nodded, “I figured.” 

Just then the doctor came in to tell them that both Simon and Megan had come through their respective surgeries well.  They were still in serious condition but were now being moved to their rooms.  They thanked the doctor and he left them alone again.

“Listen, I'm going to give blood and I got the next shift with Bartley.  Never should have happened like this.  No one was expecting it.” 

“I should have been.  I'm so off my game, Joel, with all this media crap.  That bullet was meant for me.” 

Joel looked at the man he considered his friend, but he worried more about what this was doing to Blair.  Ever since Blair had helped him face his fears, he’d had a special affinity with the smaller man.  “Look, man, I don’t claim to understand what’s going on with you, but don’t try to turn them off or anything.  This is when you need them most.”  Joel looked down, hesitant but forging ahead anyway.  “I think you need Blair here to help you.” 

“Take a look at what happened here, man.  This happened because of me.  I don't think it's a good idea to be around me right now, not for Blair and not for anyone else.  The only chance I got of getting Zeller is if I'm on my own.”  

Jim turned and left the waiting room leaving Joel to stare at the floor.  “Man, nothing good is going to come with those two being apart.  Nothing at all.”

\----------------------

Jim hung up the phone in disgust.  He’d been trying all day to reach Blair but no one answered at the loft and he wasn’t answering his cell phone.  He couldn’t reach Naomi, either.  He felt that Blair would want to know about Simon and Megan, but he didn’t have time to track him down.  At some point, he knew they would have to talk again, but the case had to come first.  It had to.

A few hours later Joel and Jim met up at a local gun shop.  They had a tip that Zeller was going to meet with the owner.  They started to walk in when the building exploded.  

Sometime later, Jim and Joel walked into the bullpen as they discussed the explosion that destroyed a gun shop earlier.  They had a body, charred beyond recognition that only raised more questions than it answered.  They knew the Iceman was involved, but how?  Their speculation was interrupted by Rafe poking his head into the bullpen. 

“Hey, guys. Sandburg's on TV.  He's giving some kind of press conference.”

Jim groaned.  What was Sandburg up to now?

The TV showed a room full of reporters.  Jim could see Naomi in the background.  Suddenly Blair walked up to a podium and the reporter’s voice cut in. 

“Now we're going live…” 

“Hi. Th-thank you all for c-coming.  I just have a sh-short speech prep-prepared here. Um...”  

Jim listened to Blair’s halting opening.  He’d never heard Blair stutter before, and he’d heard him speak publicly plenty of times.  What the hell was going on?

Blair flushed slightly as cameras flashed in his face.  He concentrated on the words written on the small card he held in his hand.  He hoped that concentrating on the printed words would help him say what he needed to without stuttering too badly.  

“In our m-media-informed culture, a scientist receives validation by having his or her work published and after years of research there is great personal satisfaction when that goal is reached.  However, my desire to impress both my peers and the world at large drove me to an im-m-moral and unethical act.  My thesis "The Sentinel" is a f-fraud.”

Jim's mouth dropped open slightly.  _Jesus, Sandburg, what are you doing?_

“While my paper does quote ancient source material, the documentation proving that J-James Ellison...actually possesses hyper-senses is fraudulent.  Looking back, I can say that it's a good piece of fiction.  I apologize for this deception.  My only hope is that I can be forgiven for the p-pain I've caused those that are close to me. Thank you.” 

Blair ignored all the questions shouted out to him.  He turned to leave and was quickly joined by Naomi but they were stopped by the university chancellor.

“You've embarrassed this university for the last time.  I want your office cleared out by Friday.”

Naomi gasped at the vehemence of the chancellor’s statement but Blair smiled faintly as he replied, “A-already d-d-done.”  Blair and Naomi left arm in arm.

Jim couldn’t believe what Blair had done.  He’d thrown away his entire dissertation, his whole life’s work, by calling it all a fraud.  And he’d done it for him.  To try and fix the mess they’d found themselves in.  He had to talk to him.  

Jim was just leaving when Bartley showed up, refusing to stay in the safe house.  He insisted that there were things he had to do and all he needed was some protection, namely Jim.  Jim tried to talk some sense into Bartley just to save the jerk’s life but Simon ordered him to stay there.  With a sigh, Jim knew that Blair would have to wait.  He had to clean up this mess with Bartley.  

In the parking lot of Naomi’s hotel, Blair held his mother as she cried in his arms.  

“Blair, oh, baby…I’m so sorry.”

“It’s o-okay, Mom.  It’s o-over. And I’m g-g-going to be alright.  I j-just n-need to be b-by m-myself for awhile, okay?  I n-need to p-process everything that’s ha-happened.”  Blair knew that his mother would accept his words.  The need to “process” had become a small joke between Blair and Jim ever since Naomi’s first visit when she’d had to “process” her thoughts on Blair’s job as an observer with the police department.

Eventually they parted, Naomi keeping most of Blair’s possessions so that she could put them in storage for him.  She had pressed a cell phone into his hand, stressing that it was one of those pay-as-you-go phones that someone had loaned her on her travels and made him promise to call when he got settled.  Blair agreed and then drove away slowly, his thoughts in turmoil.  Truth be told, he didn’t really know where he was going, yet.  He just needed to get away.  

He couldn’t believe that he’d been so stupid, but then he’d railed at himself for his stupidity before.  Thoughts of Janet Myers still sent shards of pain and guilt through him.  His friend had been killed trying to get documents proving that Cyclops Oil had been drilling illegally on Chopec lands.  Blair knew that academically he was pretty good at what he did, but why did he constantly do stupid things?  Stupid things that got him hurt or hurt his friends or worse, got them killed?  Here he thought he had things planned so well, like he actually knew where he was going with his life.  How could he have fucked it up so badly?  He shook his head in disgust as he automatically stopped at an intersection.  

Things were getting pretty dark so Blair turned on his headlights.  That action was enough to make him realize that he hadn’t been paying attention to where he was driving and that he was a bit lost.  Pulling to the side he then realized that he was in a pretty shady part of town.  _Great, the Skylight District._   _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ The Skylight District was so named because it seemed that every window in the area had been broken in.  And although there were some diehard business owners intent on cleaning the area up, it was an uphill battle.

Finally getting his bearings he was about to pull back out onto the road when he heard a scream.  Just like all the times when he was with Jim, Blair first called in the screams and then slowly made his way over to the area where he thought the screams had come from.  He still had the phone line open as he approached the alley.

He was peering around a corner and saw a woman being pushed into the back of a van.  He was backing away when suddenly he was grabbed from behind.

“Well, well,” the low voice growled into his ear.  “What’s a pretty little thing like you doing sticking your nose into other people’s business, hmm?”

Blair struggled but was no match for the large man who was quickly joined by one of his friends.  A cloth was pressed over Blair’s nose and mouth, he tried not to breathe but his struggles were costing him.  He heard the sound of ripping cloth just before everything went dark.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

The media, it was the fucking media that had leaked the faked death of Jack Bartley, they’d realized later.  Once Zeller had that bit of information he headed straight for the station.  Jim caught a reflection in the window of Zeller walking into the bullpen with two machine guns and then all hell broke loose.  

When the shooting was done, both Rafe and Jim were wounded and Zeller was dead.  Bartley got out without a scratch.  Jim hauled himself over to what was left of his desk.  He needed to get to the hospital to have his leg checked out, but decided to wait until everyone was taken care of first.  Again, he was glad that Blair hadn’t been at the station when the whole thing went down, but he found himself desperately missing the smaller man.  There were things he had missed and he knew it was because Blair hadn’t been with him, grounding him.   He picked up the phone to try the loft one more time when he saw the envelope with his name on it.  Suddenly he knew why he hadn’t been able to reach Blair and a weight seemed to press in on his chest making it hard to breathe.  Blair was gone.  

Jim sat in the empty loft, his injured leg propped on the coffee table.  He’d returned from the hospital and verified with his own eyes the empty room that had once housed all those things that had belonged to Blair.  He still couldn’t believe it.  Blair had said in his note that he was going to correct his stupid mistake.  But Jim knew that the only stupid mistake had been his own.  He had again let his anger hurt the one person he cared more about than anyone else in the world.  He had been the one to state that it would have been monumentally stupid to leave the dissertation accessible.  But there was no way for Blair to have known what Naomi would do.  And all that shit about going back to the way it was before Blair had come into his life?  Impossible.  And he’d never intended to let Blair think he wanted to kick him out of his life…he just wanted the Sentinel shit gone.  But not Blair.  Never Blair.  The only stupidity in this whole mess had been his.  And now he had no idea how he was going to fix it.

He stared at the disc he held in his hand.  Blair had left him the only other copy of his dissertation.  Said that maybe it would help Jim later on if he ever decided to start using his senses again.  He rubbed a hand across his eyes.  He’d never told Blair one other little secret, okay, two other secrets.  If he had, he was sure Blair would never have left.  One secret was that Jim _needed_ to have Blair with him, grounding him.  Every time they’d been separated, his senses seemed to go off-line just a little bit.  Sure Blair always got him straightened out using that Guide voice of his, but Jim knew it was just as much his presence, the steadying beat of his heart that Jim could feel deep in his chest along with his own heartbeat, as necessary as his own heartbeat, that kept him grounded.  Blair had once said that his research showed that Guides and Sentinels tended to stay together for life.  Jim believed it.  After the vision at the fountain when Blair had…died, Jim knew that both his and Blair’s souls had bonded.  That was the only way that Jim could have brought Blair back.  Yeah, things got a bit muddied when Alex Barnes had first shown up.  Blair had theorized that the mutual visions were part of a mating ritual, something having to do with a warrior culture.  Although they’d never discussed it, Jim had always had the feeling that Blair was only partly right.  Yes, he’d been drawn to Alex as another Sentinel, drawn to her with a need to mate.  But that was all it was, the need to procreate.  He was bonded to Blair.  And that was part of the other secret.  He wasn’t only bonded to Blair, he loved him.  He was _in love_ with Blair.  And he’d never told him and now he wondered if he’d ever have the chance.

Jim again looked around the empty loft.  The emptiness echoed around him as much as in him.  And he was afraid.  Without Blair he knew he would end up right back where he was before, his senses sparking all over the place with insanity just around the corner.  The only bright spot was that the insanity would be the only thing that might help him deal with the knowledge that he’d let the only person he’d ever truly loved walk out of his life.  He leaned his head back and closed his eyes as though in acceptance of the inevitable.

Suddenly Jim lifted his head.  “Screw this!”  He said to the emptiness around him.  He was going to find Blair.  He was on convalescent leave until his leg healed and he had a shitload of personal leave saved up.  He’d only begun using it when Blair came into his life.  And if he had to quit, so be it.  He was going to find Blair.  First step, he was going to get an APB out on Blair’s car.

\--------------------------

Blair woke up with a pounding headache.  Groaning, he tried to open his eyes enough to see where he was but the dim light was still enough to send a streak of pain across his skull and a sickening lurch through his stomach.  Closing his eyes again he waited until the pain receded a bit.  Keeping his eyes closed, he rolled over enough to sit up only to find a restraint around his right wrist.   _Oh, shit_.  Opening his eyes just a bit confirmed he was handcuffed to the bed frame.  And he was naked.  The room swayed a bit more although Blair wasn’t sure if it was from the drug that was obviously still in his system or the fear that was now coursing through his body.  Either way, he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.  Looking around he saw that he was in a small room that held only the bed he was currently sitting on and a small table.

Blair closed his eyes again as he tried to figure out what had happened.  He was startled from his thoughts by the door suddenly opening.  A stranger walked in.  The man stood for a moment, his face completely expressionless as he stared at Blair.

“Wh-why am I h-here?   Wh-who are y-you?”  

The man continued his silent contemplation for a moment longer and then looked down at the item in his hand.  Blair realized that the man held his wallet.  

“Blair Sandburg.”  

The man, who Blair guessed to be around 50, stood about as tall as Jim but was more slender.  And he was completely average looking.  He had light brown hair that had grayed at his temples.  He wore wire-framed glasses and a three-piece suit.  Blair thought he looked like a lawyer or an accountant but somehow doubted the man held such a mundane job.

“Wh-why am I h-here?”  Blair repeated as he tugged on the restraint, fear obvious in his jerky movements.  The man put Blair’s wallet into his pocket.  

“I saw your press conference.”   

He remained standing at ease; his hands crossed in front him.  His calm demeanor had Blair on edge.

“I thought at the time that you were really quite attractive with your dark hair and glasses, but you did surprise me, throwing away your career like that.  Actually, I thought it was a pretty stupid move on your part.”  He smiled slightly as a blush crept up Blair’s throat to color his face.  

“You threw away the chance for some good money, fucked up your career and then you ran away.   My guess is that you were heading out of town without anyone knowing where you were headed, right?”  He nodded as Blair turned way, the truth of his statements obvious on the pale face.

“Well, you don’t have to worry that pretty little head anymore, understand?”  The man smiled for the first time.

Blair snapped his head back to stare at the stranger, a frightening realization beginning to form in his mind.  “N-no!”  _Oh god, oh god, oh god…_

“Oh, yes, you sweet little thing.  You don’t have to worry about your future at all.  You belong to me now…”

Blair fought with everything that was in him.  He fought the men that released him and dragged him down the hallway only to chain him from the ceiling in the middle of another room.  He fought while the screams were dragged from his throat as Mr. Lee’s torturer, Garrett, delicately placed the taser against his genitals or fucked him with the picana.  He’d never known such excruciating pain and it quickly sucked the fight out of him while Garrett laughed, humiliating him with a fake stutter. 

“Puh-puh-puh-please st-st-stop!”  Garrett whispered as he leaned into Blair’s ear to coax his pet to scream louder.  “Come on, Sweet Thing, you can cry louder than that…”  Garrett again hit the charge button on the picana he had shoved up Sweet Thing’s ass.  “That’s right.  You know I like to hear you scream…”  

Blair didn’t know how long he’d been unconscious when he opened his eyes.  Unable to focus, he nevertheless knew he still hung from chains in the center of the room.  He looked blearily around, his face contorting in disgust as the stench of vomit and feces registered in his brain.  He heard a door open behind him and moaned as his heart rate jumped and a cold sweat broke out across his skin.  He knew he couldn’t take any more.

Garrett walked up to his latest project.  The girl they’d brought in the same night had broken easily after only a few hours, but that was no surprise.  He did have to tell Mr. Lee that she claimed her father was important.  Whether or not it was true was Mr. Lee’s business.  Still, she’d been very easy to break.  The younger ones tended to cooperate very quickly after one or two sessions with him.  This one, however, had entertained him for two days now and he was enjoying himself immensely.  Unfortunately, he could tell that this part of the training was at an end.   He picked up his favorite picana and studied it.  It was one of his favorite toys.  It was similar to a cattle prod but didn’t burn the skin as badly which meant very little, if any, scarring.  Mr. Lee was very particular about that since he liked his whores to stay pretty as long as possible.

Garrett stepped up behind Sweet Thing and heard him whimper.  Such a pleasing sound.  Moving to stand in front of his pet he used the picana to lift the quivering chin.  The wide blue eyes were really very pretty, especially when they were wet with tears.“You know what I want, don’t you, Sweet Thing?”

Blair knew better than to speak so he nodded.  

“That’s right.  So now we get to clean you up and move on to the next phase of training.  But remember this, Sweet Thing…if you displease me even once, you will find yourself right back here.   Understand?”

Again Blair nodded and then felt movement.  Suddenly the floor was under his feet but his legs wouldn’t support him.  He fell into a heap and was grateful as awareness slipped away despite the ice cold water drenching his body as he was hosed down. 

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

_God, Chief, where are you?_   Jim tossed the latest letter onto the stack that had formed on the dining table.  Ever since the spectacular end to Blair’s academic career, Jim had started to receive notices of termination for grants, cancellations of student loans and outstanding debts at the university bookstore.  Jim was shocked to find that Blair was in debt nearly $60,000.  It was no wonder that Blair lived on such a shoestring budget.  And he’d never said a word except to come up with outlandish and funny reasons why he couldn’t pay rent or couldn’t afford repairs on his aging car.  All Jim had known was that it was another reason to tease the younger man, or let’s face it, an opportunity to just rag on him about his car or his wardrobe which Jim was sure came from the Salvation Army.  Jim recalled a certain furry cold weather hat that Blair had pulled out during a stakeout that had him laughing so hard his side hurt.

The ringing of the telephone dragged him from his memories.  He reached for it, praying it was some news about Blair.  

“Ellison.”  He could hear the quiet breathing on the other end of the line, as though the person was still working themselves up to talking.

“Hello, Jim…this is Naomi.”   It wasn’t who he had been hoping it was, but it was close.  

“Naomi, it’s good to hear from you.  Where’s Blair?”  Jim wasn’t in the mood to deal with pleasantries.  He was on a mission.

“I…I don’t know.  I was hoping he’d contacted you.”  

“Contacted me?  Naomi, please.  What’s going on?  I’ve been trying to reach you for days.  Where’s Blair?”

“I went into seclusion to meditate.  Blair is the only one who knew where I was.  I’m so sorry, Jim.  You have to believe me.  I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“Yes, Naomi, I know you only wanted what’s best for Blair.  I forgive you, okay?  But I need to find him, now.  I need to find Blair.  Can you help me?”

“Yes, alright…this is all I know.  After the press conference, Blair said he needed to be alone for awhile.  To process, you know?  He’d packed up all of his things and I put them into storage.  He was supposed to contact me when he settled someplace.  But he hasn’t, Jim.  I haven’t heard from him.”  

Jim heard a slight sob then he heard her take a calming breath.  

“Jim, he knows he has bills and things that he wanted me to get…he doesn’t want you to worry about it.  He said he’d take care of everything…but I _am_ worried.”  Naomi finished the last sentence in a quick rush.  “Jim, he’s even started stuttering again.  He hasn’t done that since he was little.”

“Alright, Naomi, now I need you to slow down just a bit.  Tell me about his stuttering.”

“Well, it started when he was very small.  He was speaking in full sentences by the time he was two.  The therapists told me it was developmental stuttering, like his mouth couldn’t keep up with all the thoughts flying around in his brain.”

Jim smiled at that.  He was constantly amazed at how fast Blair spoke, his hands waving around him as he expressed his thoughts.  

“He stopped when he was about five,” she continued, “but it was still something he’d do every now and then, usually when we went somewhere new or if I had to leave him for a while.  But it always went away once Blair settled down and started meditating.”

 _Had to leave him for awhile?  Once Blair settled down?  Jesus, Naomi, how can you be so blind!_   It was obvious to Jim that Blair stuttered when he felt abandoned.  He couldn’t believe that Naomi didn’t see that.  But he couldn’t lay the blame for this on Naomi.  This time _he_ was the one who’d left Blair out hanging by himself.  

“Jim?  Are you still there?”

Jim ran a hand over his face.  “Yes, Naomi, I’m here and I’m going to find him, okay?  Look, I’ve got to go but when I find out anything, I’ll let you know.  And don’t worry about Blair’s things.  I’ve got it taken care of, okay?  I’ll work that out with Blair when we get him back.”

“Really, Jim?  Oh, I’m so glad.  You need to get him back.  You two are good together.  Blair’s never been happier than when he is with you.”  

Jim could hear the tears in her voice, could practically smell the saline over the phone and swore to himself that he’d make Blair happy again.They ended the call with Naomi giving him all of her contact numbers. 

 --------------------------------

“That’s right, Sweet Thing, oh, oh, _sigh,_ yes…that’s right…hum a bit more…good…”  Garrett wrapped his hands tighter into the thick curls as Sweet Thing followed his directions precisely.  He was close so he pushed that fantastic mouth away.  He still wanted to fuck that incredibly tight ass.

“Hmm, it’s a good thing you don’t stutter while giving blow jobs or Mr. Lee would be very disappointed.”  Garrett smiled at the blush that heated Sweet Thing’s face.  He loved to push the whore’s buttons and he’d quickly learned that calling him stupid and pointing out the speech impediment were easy ways to get to him to wilt in defeat.  

“Now stand up.  Show me what you can do on my lap while I fuck you.  That’s one of Mr. Lee’s favorites, so you need to do it well.”  Garrett smiled as Sweet Thing straddled his lap.

Lee surveyed his newest whore, pleased at what he saw.  Garrett was right.  This one was a prize, not like that weepy blonde they’d brought in the same night.  Thinking of her tightened his jaw.  His men hadn’t been able to confirm if she was who she claimed to be…some congressman’s daughter.  Damnit, that’s why he preyed on runaways.  He did not need this complication.  Shoving all thoughts of the blonde away he turned back to Sweet Thing…Blair Sandburg.  Now here was someone who interested him.  He eyed the physical changes with approval.  Sweet Thing’s hair hung down to his shoulders in rich mahogany corkscrew curls.  There were other shades varying from dark brown to gold shimmering in the dark depths that drew his eyes.  Lovely.  Lee also approved of the body waxing.  All that hair made Sweet Thing appear older. His clients like them young…young, pretty and sparkly.  Sweet Thing certainly met that with the long golden earrings that hung down as long as his hair.  That blue pendant sitting on his forehead certainly picked up the color of those big eyes that were also lightly highlighted with a little makeup.  Nice.  And those tits…the nipple rings with the chains hanging down to the stone that pierced his navel…yes, his fingers ached to tug on those tight little nubs.  

“Garrett, get him an ankle bracelet…something nice.  Makes his ankles look more slender.”

“Yes, Mr. Lee.”  Garrett smiled at the pleased look on Lee’s face.  Now Sweet Thing just needed to show Mr. Lee what he could do.  Garrett anticipated a very sweet bonus for his work with this one.  And it had all been so very pleasurable.   He reached out and flicked a switch.  A slow bluesy number began to play and Lee eased back into the large chair.

“Dance for me, Sweet Thing.”

And Blair did.  His hips swayed in time to the slow beat and he raised his arms over his head, letting the music take him away from his reality.  _Jim_ , he told himself, _I’m dancing for Jim_.  His stomach muscles undulated as he swayed in time to the music.  

“Who would have thought, Garrett, that Blair Sandburg, boy wonder of the anthropology world, would be here, dancing for me like this…”

Blair stumbled at Lee’s words, pain and humiliation showing on his face.  He stopped dancing to stare at the floor, his face a deep red.

“I did not tell you to stop, Sweet Thing.  Keep dancing.”

Blair’s chest heaved but he obeyed, never saying a word.  They’d beaten and shamed him into total silence because of his stutter.  The stutter that had gotten so bad he was barely able to speak at all.  The dance resumed, though now it was stilted and graceless.

Garrett was tense.  He saw his bonus flying out the window because the whore couldn’t keep his mind on what he was doing.  What was Lee talking about, anyway?   Who cares who the whore was before?

“Do you know, Garrett, that Sandburg was considered quite brilliant.  He was also very well liked and respected by both the faculty and his students.  I wonder what they’d think if they saw him now?”  

Sweet Thing was pale, a fine sheen of sweat glistened on his body.

“Come here, now.  Get me ready with those beautiful lips.”

Blair thought he’d be sick but he moved to kneel in front of Mr. Lee.  He kept his head bowed as he unfastened Lee’s pants.

“Sweet Thing, you belong to me now, and I’ll take care of you.  You won’t have to think anymore, just do what you’re told.”   He stroked the dark head as it bobbed over his cock.  “Well done, Garrett, you get your bonus.”  

Garrett was relieved but stayed still, curious over Lee’s interest in the whore.

“Yes, I’ll take care of you.  No more putting your life in danger for an unappreciative partner…” 

A little while later Lee smiled as Sweet Thing writhed on his lap but his pleasure was more the result of his plans than the soft, warm flesh.  He planned to make quite a bit of money now that his new little whore was ready.  There was one particular customer with strict tastes and Sweet Thing was perfect.  And his past made him all the more interesting because this particular customer liked “fallen angels”.  Lee had already contacted him.  Lee felt his orgasm begin deep in his groin.  Thoughts of the price he’d charge floated through his head as the tight, hot flesh clamped down on his cock.  He came deep inside his latest acquisition even as he made plans for the sale of Blair Sandburg.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

Jim picked up his breakfast dishes and limped over to the sink.  He washed them quickly as he mentally reviewed the new lead he was going to check out.  Some of Blair’s associates at school had given him the name of a friend he might have gone to for help or at least a place to crash.  Jim quickly dried and put away the last of the silverware.  He was grabbing his coat when the phone rang.  He hesitated for a moment but then gave in to his nature and limped over to get the phone.

“Ellison.” 

“Jim, Simon."

“Simon, you sound good.  How are things?”  Jim had seen Simon a couple of times as he convalesced at home.

“I’m fine, Jim.  In fact, I’m back at the office.”

“Already?  I thought you had at least another week.  What’s going on?”  Jim knew that Simon’s convalescent leave wasn’t over.  In fact, it was Joel who’d signed Jim’s personal leave forms when his own convalescent leave had ended.  If Simon had gone back early, it meant that something big was going on…and Jim didn’t want to have anything to do with it.  He had to find Blair.

“Jim, is there any word on Sandburg?”

“Not yet.  I’ve got a new lead I’m following…”

“Jim…do you even know if Sandburg is missing?  From what you’ve told me, he was trying to get away for awhile.  What makes you think he’s gone missing?”

“Simon, you know I’ve talked to Naomi and she’s convinced something’s wrong.  I think there is, too.  I’ve already filed a missing person’s report and put out an APB on Blair’s car, and now I’ve got this new lead.”

“I don’t know, Jim, I can’t say that I’m convinced there’s a problem, yet.  I’d hate to think you’re spinning your wheels for no good reason.  Especially when I could use you back here.”

“What are you saying, Simon?  I’m on leave.  Are you calling me back?”

“I’m sorry Jim, but I need you.  There’s a couple of cases going on I could really use you for, so yeah, man.  I’m calling you back.”

Jim ran a hand through his hair, his heart screaming that there was no way he could stop now but in his head he knew he had little to go on.  Simon was right.  What did he really have besides his gut feeling?  And this was his final lead.  If nothing panned out here, then he was at a dead end.  

“Give me one more day, Simon.  Let me follow up on this lead and then I’ll come in, alright?”  Jim could hear Simon’s sigh, knew that he would probably have to make some phone calls if this was a big case, but he was sure he had his extra day.  Simon was a good friend.

“Yeah, Jim, tomorrow, okay?  And if you find anything, I want to know first thing, got that?”

“Yeah, Simon.  Thanks.”

Jim was pissed.  The lead had ended up empty.  Blair’s friend hadn’t seen him or heard from him in over six months.  And now he had these FBI jerks in his face.  They said they believed Blair’s statement that the whole sentinel thing was a fraud, but they kept going on about his arrest record and how uncanny it was.  Especially that asshole, Stuart.  He kept his eye on Ellison with a smirk that was going to earn him a belt in the jaw if he didn’t back off. 

 “So why do you need me on this case, Captain?”  Yeah, there was a hit man in the area, but so far no one was able to find him and no one knew who is target was supposed to be.  Why did they need him?  Jim spared a glance at the beautiful woman, noting the intense look in her eyes.  It was obvious who the lead agent was. 

“Detective Ellison,” Special Agent Niles stepped closer to Jim, tired of the good-looking detective ignoring her and her partner as he talked to his captain.  

The green-eyed blonde’s perfume surrounded Jim and he had to work hard to stifle the sneeze that threatened to erupt.  

“Jerome Shaw is believed to have committed several hits in Europe as well as in the United States.  But he isn’t just known as an assassin.  He happens to have a side business and we believe that’s what brought him to your little neck of the woods…”

“Side business?”  Jim stepped back from the suffocating cloud, hiding his movement by leaning back against Simon’s desk with his arms crossed in front of his chest, desperately trying to dial down his senses as he noted the telltale signs of a huge headache starting.  It was getting harder and harder to control himself, but so far the dials were still working.

“Shaw dabbles in the flesh trade.  And he seems to have a predilection for a certain type.”

“Okay, I’ll bite…what’s his type?  And if you say 40-something guys with a receding hairline, we may be done talking…”

SA Niles laughed.  She liked this guy with the granite jaw and the fierce blue eyes.  She hoped the rumors she’d heard around the station when they were checking him out weren’t true.  He didn’t seem the type to go for guys.  But just then her partner jumped in…

“He likes pretty guys with long curly hair, exotic looks…”

“Agent Stuart…!”  Damnit, she’d told him to keep quiet…

`“But mostly, he likes guys that have that a hurt look in their eyes.  He gets off on vulnerability, wounded little boys like your boyfriend…”

Without thought Jim launched himself at Stuart.  It took both SA Niles and Simon to pull him off of Stuart.  

Stuart rubbed his throat.  He smiled slightly…seems some of those rumors just might be true…

“What the hell are you talking about?  Niles, I need some answers right now or I’m on the phone to your chief.”  Simon growled as he held Jim back by one arm.  “You two are already on thin ice with me and your chief, talking to my people before you even tell me what the hell you’re doing here.”

SA Niles had the grace to look ashamed, not to mention disappointed, although Ellison was still some nice eye candy.  

“Captain, if I’d told you that we were looking into Blair Sandburg as a potential person of interest in this case, you and your people would have clammed up.”

Simon merely crossed his arms over his chest as he waited.  “And?”

“Mr. Sandburg’s newscast made all the media rounds.  We’re sure Shaw got wind of it, not to mention that Mr. Sandburg meets the physical profile Shaw likes.  To top it off, Sandburg has been fired from the university.  He quit the department as an observer and now he’s disappeared.  Plus…” SA Niles looked straight at Jim, “rumor has it that this media mess has caused a breakup between Mr. Sandburg and his significant other…”

Simon had a sinking feeling in his gut.  “So why would Sandburg’s personal life have anything to do with this?”

“That is part of what would make Mr. Sandburg more vulnerable and therefore of more interest to Shaw.  Shaw preys on others’ pain.”

A ball of ice seemed to form in Jim’s belly.  Even if he and Blair weren’t really involved like that, he was still responsible for part of Blair’s pain.  And he _was_ in love with him.  But he sure as hell wasn’t going to let these two ghouls in on that.  He took a deep breath to center himself.

“Look, Sandburg and I weren’t involved like that…but we were partners and this mess did cause problems there, so maybe you’re right as far as what Shaw might have seen.”  

“Jim…”

“Captain, I’ve come up empty trying to find Sandburg.  If this guy Shaw is after him, then it’s even more important to find him fast.  More manpower would definitely come in handy…”

“Alright, Agents Niles and Stuart, give us everything you have on Shaw…”  

The four talked late into the afternoon, going over what they knew and where they’d go from there.  The agents had already left the office and Jim was picking up the last of the files.  There were a couple of things he wanted to check out but Simon stopped him before he could leave the office.

“Jim, stop for a minute.  There’s something I need to know.”  Simon took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.  He hated getting into his detective’s personal business but sometimes it was just necessary.  

“Jim, I know you lied to them about Blair.”

“Sir?  What are…”

“Well maybe not about how involved you were with Sandburg, but you didn’t tell them the truth about the two of you…not that I really expect you to.”

“Captain, Sandburg and I aren’t involved like that…”

“I believe that part, Jim.  But I know you’re not admitting to me…oh, hell, maybe not even to yourself…just how you feel about him.”

Jim turned away from his captain, his friend.  Truth was he _had_ admitted it to himself.  Could he admit it to Simon?

“Simon, I need Blair.  I’ve got to find him.”  

“You said you wanted to go back to working solo…that you wanted to turn off your sense thing.  What aren’t you telling me, Jim?”

“Simon, I need Blair to help me with this.”  Jim looked down, ashamed to admit that he’d already started having problems.  “I’ve started having some sensory spikes.  I’ve turned down my sensitivity to almost normal, and it’s working to an extent, but I don’t know how long I can keep this up.  And I can’t just turn it off.  I need him, Simon.”

“Jim, is it just the senses?  I still think there’s more you’re not telling me.  You know I’m your friend.”

Jim ran a hand through his short hair.  Simon is his friend.  If he couldn’t tell him, who could he tell?

“I love him, Simon.  I’ve been in love with him for a long time.”

“But you never told him.”

“Simon, you know Sandburg…he’s all about women.  He’s young and full of life.  He doesn’t need me now that he’s done with the Sentinel thing.  I’m nothing but an aging, balding guy.  A pain in the ass who lets his anger run his mouth.  I chased him away, Simon.”

Simon groaned.  “Jim, you’re an idiot.”

“What?”

“You couldn’t see what was right in front of you.  Obviously this Sentinel eyesight doesn’t work for shit.  That boy is in love with you, too, man!  Has been for at least a couple of years that I know of, and that’s because I finally opened my eyes.  When are you going to open yours?”  

Jim stared at him for a moment, digesting what Simon was saying.  Maybe it was true.  But he wouldn’t know for sure until he found Blair and brought him back.  Then he could pin him down and get to the truth.  

“Maybe it’s about time.”  And for the first time since Blair had left, Jim smiled.

“Right.  Now get out of here, go to work.”  

“Yes, sir, Captain.”  Jim was still smiling as he left the office.  Now he just had to find Blair.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

Manny Zuckerman stared out of his front store window.  It had been one week since that car had been left there.  Two whole weeks and the thing had been broken into more than once.  Now the wreck sat there, the windows busted out and the hubcaps missing.  He was surprised the damn thing hadn’t been put on blocks and the tires taken except that he took a good look at them and saw what bad shape they were in.  A piece of garbage, that’s what that car was.  And the police hadn’t even come to take a look at it, yet.  Disgusted, he turned and reached for the phone.  He’d make another complaint and then he was calling his Representative, by God.

A day later a police cruiser drove by and slowed down.  Parking, one of the two officers stepped out to look the car over.  The plates were missing so the officer was in the process of writing down the VIN when Manny came out of his store.  

“It’s about time you came!  This wreck is giving my place a bad name!  It’s an eyesore, that’s what it is.  When are you going to get it out of here?”  

Tiredly, the officer lifted a hand as he walked over to the passenger side.  On the seat and floorboard were several pieces of paper.  He rifled through them until he came upon the registration.  Calling for a tow truck and radioing in what he’d found, he was surprised to realize that this vehicle was one they’d been on the lookout for, the one that belonged to the flaky long-haired kid that hung around Major Crimes.  _Alright!_   This would look good in his jacket…

Jim finished going over Blair’s car.  He’d been notified as soon as they’d found the car.  Of course, SAs Niles and Stuart had tagged along but he did his best to ignore them.  They’d watched as Jim made a detailed investigation of the entire car.  He tried not to focus too deeply on any one thing so that it wouldn’t look like he was using his senses.  He’d even pulled out a magnifying glass, which he thought might have looked somewhat ridiculous, but at this point he didn’t really care.  The only thing he did care about was the fact that Blair’s scent still permeated the car’s upholstery.  It was clean and distinct without any hint of fear or sweat.  He let it flood through him as he sat in the driver’s seat.  _Blair._   Jim put his hands on the steering wheel and imagined Blair’s hands there.

It took Jim a moment to realize that SA Niles was talking to him.  “What?”

“Detective, I’ve been asking if you’ve found anything.  Are you alright?”

Concern warred with amusement in the green eyes that met Jim’s and it pissed him off.  “I’m fine and no, there’s nothing here.  It looks like Blair might have just pulled over and left the car.  The keys are still in the ignition.”

“Why wasn’t it stolen, then?”

“Chances are nobody could get it started.  It was always a finicky car.  I think Sandburg’s the only one who knew how to get it going.”

Jim stepped away from the car and began looking at the area.  Walking around in an ever increasing circle, he took stock of everything he saw.  The area was pretty run down, no phone booths.  Blair no longer had his cell phone.  Since Jim had bought it for him he’d left it in the loft.  So why would he have been in this area?  Had he gotten lost?  Naomi had said that he was pretty upset when he’d left her.  That thought sent a pain through his gut which he pushed away.  Now was not the time.  He came to an alley and looked around.  Why would Blair have willingly walked away from his car?  Did he see or hear something?  Jim looked around and then re-approached the alley from the direction of Blair’s car, re-creating what might have been Blair’s movements.  He leaned against the wall and peeked around the corner.  As he did so, he caught a subtle scent, chemical in nature.  He looked around and then noticed a piece of white cloth under some garbage.  It was relatively clean.  He pulled his pen from his pocket and carefully picked it up.  Sniffing it he knew immediately that it had been soaked with chloroform.  

“What do you have there, Detective?”  SA Niles leaned over his shoulder.

“I’m not sure,” Jim lied.  “But it looks too clean to have been here long.  I want to bag it and send it in to the lab.”

SA Niles took the pen from his hand and gave the cloth a delicate sniff.  “This cloth has chloroform on it.  I can smell it.”

Jim gave her feigned surprised look.  “Chloroform, huh?  I thought it smelled like some kind of chemical.”  He smiled at Niles slightly superior smirk.  He then pulled his cell phone and called dispatch to request any reports or 911 calls regarding that area and then headed back to the station.

Once there he was handed the transcript of a 911 call about a woman’s screams.  The caller didn’t leave a name but a cell phone number had been recorded although they weren’t able to reach the owner who was apparently overseas somewhere.  A patrol car had been dispatched but found nothing at the location so the report was closed.

Jim knew he had to hear the tape for himself, but he needed to do it without Niles and Stuart tagging along.  He was saved by the two agents walking in and announcing that they were going to follow up on a hunch that whoever had called in was reporting a kidnapping of a runaway.  Jim stared at them for a moment knowing that they weren’t telling him everything.  But it didn’t matter, this would give Jim time to go to dispatch for that tape.  They agreed to meet after lunch to go over what they had.

Jim raced home and pulled out the tape recorder that Blair had used to guide him through his senses on past cases.  He popped in the tape and knew immediately that the caller was Blair.  In a quick description he heard Blair give the pertinent details, proud at how concise he was despite the stutter.  He heard Blair refuse to give his name and it pained him to know why.  Listening to the tape several times and concentrating on the sound of Blair’s voice, he was able to hear several things in the background.  He heard a woman’s screams from some distance away but they died out suddenly.  He could clearly hear the sounds of a struggle, and then silence.  The phone line stayed open and then there was some more noise in the background along with the operator asking if the caller was still there.  He heard some low sounds, way below the range of normal hearing, and then the call ended.  He listened again, concentrating on the last part.  Suddenly he heard words that made his stomach clench. “ _What’s a pretty little thing like you doing sticking your nose into other people’s business, hmm_?”  Jim could hear what sounded like a ripping noise and then a sigh before the line was cut off.  He now knew Blair had been kidnapped along with the woman.

\-----------------------------

“Jim… _Jim_!”

Jim looked up from the missing persons reports he was reviewing when Simon called his name for the second time.  He’d been close to zoning on the pictures in the report when Simon had finally gotten his attention.

“Are you with me now, Jim?  Good.  Listen up.  You said that you heard someone call Blair a pretty little thing before the 911 call ended, right?”

“Yes, sir.  I’ve been looking over these reports of runaways…”

“Runaways?  They go missing all the time.  How do we know that the woman taken that night was a runaway?”

“We don’t, sir.  But SA Niles had more information on Shaw she hadn’t shared yet.  It seems he likes to deal in runaways, so she and SA Stuart went over to missing persons and got all the reports that fit our timeframe.  What we’ve got is a particular runaway who went missing that same day.”

“The same day that Blair disappeared…”

“Yes, sir.  And it seems that she would have been pretty noticeable out on the streets…”  Jim pulled out a picture of a very pretty blonde teenager wearing a lavender sweater.  She was smiling at the camera in a very coquettish manner and looked like trouble on a stick. 

“This is Ashlyn Simmons, Congressman Simmons’ daughter.  She was last seen in the Skylight district.”

“Where you found Blair’s car…”

“That’s right, sir.  Seems she was last seen on the night that Blair made that 911 call.”

“You got this from the locals…?”

“Yeah, but no one saw the actual kidnapping that we know of.  We’re still working it, sir, but we could sure use some more manpower.  The FBI is sending out some more agents.”

“Okay, I’ll get you some more people to canvass the area.”  Simon looked at his best detective.  Jim had dark circles under his eyes and Simon could tell that he’d lost some weight.  “Jim, how are you doing?  You’re not looking too good right now.”

Jim nodded, knowing he couldn’t hide the obvious.  “I’m hanging in there, Simon.”   

“Just keep it together, okay, Jim?  And promise me, you’ll let me know if things start going haywire, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Blair lay on his bed staring at the high window.  He was daydreaming about Jim, letting his thoughts wander.  And as usual he was fantasizing about kissing Jim.  He thought about those lips pressing against his own, that tongue inside his mouth, roaming about and making Blair’s mouth his own.  Blair sighed.  With all the things everyone did to him, the one thing no one ever did was kiss him, so that was the one thing he fantasized about as belonging to Jim alone.  

Blair closed his eyes staying very still and quiet as he listened for noises in the hallway.  Garrett has lessened the drugs they were giving him, only drugging him when he was with customers to make sure he behaved.  He was expecting Garrett to come and drug him again and his stomach tightened when he heard a step outside.  Would it be Garrett or his handlers?  Thinking of Garrett made Blair frown.  He hated Garrett with a passion.   Especially when Garrett hurt him… hurt him just to hear him scream.  

His doorknob rattled and then his handler came in which meant Garrett would come later.  For now he’d get a shower, which was good, but he hated the enemas.  Some of his handlers weren’t very gentle.  They’d shave his face and then his body would get oiled.  Again he was grateful they didn’t have to shave the rest of him.  Waxing had hurt, but they told him it wouldn’t have to get done again for several weeks.  Then just a bit of mousse in his hair to smooth the curls and a little bit of makeup to highlight what they said were some of his best features, namely, his blue eyes and full lips.  Then a little jewelry and that metallic blue g-string Garrett liked and he was ready.  And Blair wished they’d up the amount of whatever drug they were using.  He used to refuse all types of artificial chemicals, but now he’d take anything to help him get through what would happen again that evening.

Blair sat on his bed shivering.  The cold from the chain around his ankle seemed to seep through his flesh with icy fingers that reached all the way to his chest.  He was always cold here.  He thought briefly of his little room with the comfortable futon back at Jim’s loft and nearly wept with pain and longing.  He’d lost all rights to Jim and anything in Jim’s life through his own stupidity.  He sighed.  He held no illusions about surviving this experience.  His Mom would miss him, he knew, and he regretted that.  But if he did make it, he knew she’d help him because Moms loved you no matter what happened to you or how stupid you were, right?  

His thoughts were interrupted by another rattle of his door.  He was unchained and taken to one of the service rooms.  He was surprised.  Usually he was given some pills and then was taken to the main room to be lined up with the others before he was taken to a service room with a customer.  Instead there was a man waiting for him.  He had dark hair and dark eyes.  Blair couldn’t tell what color they were.  He was sitting on the one chair that was provided so Blair didn’t know how tall he was, but he had a strong build and Blair hoped he didn’t like to hurt.  Blair eyed his face curiously.  He wondered if he’d been with him before and just didn’t remember.  It wouldn’t surprise him.The man stared intently at Blair as he was brought in.  

“Come here,” he was ordered so he slid slowly across the room to stand in front of the man.  

“They tell me you dance.  Show me what you can do.”  The man reached over and flipped a switch.  Music filled the room and Blair automatically started to sway.

“Very nice.  But I imagine a young man like you enjoys dancing, don’t you?  Dancing with pretty girls…”  Blair remained silent.  He knew an answer wasn’t expected.“So…did you dance with the pretty co-eds or other teaching assistants like yourself?”

Blair froze for a moment but then slowly resumed his dance.  He didn’t know that the sudden fear in his eyes was pleasing to his customer.

“They tell me you were working on a doctorate.  But instead you ended up here.  Tell me, Sweet Thing, how could you possibly think that you’d get away with such a stupid idea?”

Blair stopped dancing and stared at the man.  _So he did like to hurt._   Blair dropped his eyes.

“Answer me.”

“I-I m-m-made a m-m-m-mistake…”  Blair’s his face contorted slightly as he struggled to get the last word out.   

“A mistake…is that what Detective Ellison called it?”

Blair didn’t know that his shoulders had slumped at the mention of Jim’s name.  _Monumentally stupid…_   He wrapped his arms around his middle.

“Well, that’s neither here nor there now, isn’t it?”  The man leaned back.  “Why don’t you show me what you are good at, hmm?

”Blair lifted wounded eyes but then dropped them again.  He knelt in front of the man and began to unfasten his clothes.  He lowered his head.  Yes, he’d been told he was good at this.

“Mmm, yes, and despite that horrid stutter I am quite pleased with you.”  The man stroked Blair’s hair as Blair licked and sucked.  “Enough.  Get on the bed.”  

The man removed his clothes and sat on the bed next to him.Blair did as he was told, lying still as the man ran his hands all over his body, removing the g-string and then rolling over when told to.  He lifted his hips and felt fingers enter his already prepared anus.  He tried to ignore the mouth on his buttocks but yelped when he felt teeth bite down…hard.  

Blair panted from the pain of the bite but remained still.  He heard the sound of a condom being used and mentally prepared himself for what was next.  He wasn’t disappointed when the man shoved himself inside, uncaring for the pain he caused despite Blair’s preparation.  And because of the pain, Blair couldn’t suppress the moan or his movement as his body shot forward slightly in an unconscious attempt to elude the painful entry, but strong hands on his hips kept him still.  

The man began his thrusts, alternately running his fingers over the bite mark and grasping Blair’s hips.  The thrusts became faster and the man dropped his weight onto Blair’s back, the warmth of the contact no comfort.  Blair knew the man was close from his grunts.  Suddenly the man jerked and bit down on Blair’s shoulder.  Blair screamed but was held still until the man quit jerking and lay still.  Blair tried to breathe but was having trouble between his own gasps and the heavy weight on him.  He started to struggle and was relieved when he felt the man pull himself out and roll off.  

He lay there for a moment, sobbing quietly but lifted his head to see the man getting dressed.  The man picked up the used condom and put it in a plastic bag he’d pulled from his pocket.  Re-wrapping it, he again placed it in his pocket.

“I don’t like leaving little bits of me lying around.  You’ll learn that and more because I’ve decided I’m going to keep you.”  

With that, the man turned and tapped on the door.  It was quickly opened and he left.  Then a handler came in to clean Blair up and tend to his wounds.  Blair wondered dully about what the man had meant.  Had he been sold?  Fear curled in his belly.  He was afraid the man would literally eat him alive.

\-----------------------------------------

Jim checked his gun and slid it back into its holster.  He was getting ready to meet with Niles to check out the Congressman Simmons’ home.  He was reaching for his jacket when someone knocked on the door.  Jim briefly wondered why he hadn’t heard anyone walking in the hallway and then remembered that his hearing was turned down below normal.  He’d had to turn it down that morning when he realized that he’d nearly zoned on the sound of a fly bumping against the window.  Disgusted with himself, he opened the door with a yank, seriously startling the older gentleman there.  Apologizing, Jim forced himself to calm down.

The man cleared his throat and then identified himself as Blair’s academic advisor, Dr. Merrill Thornton.  Nodding, Jim let him into the loft.  

“I’m afraid Blair isn’t here.  He decided to take a little trip until things settle down.”  

“Oh, I see.  Do you have a contact number for him?  There are some things he should know.”

“No, I’m waiting for him to call.  He was pretty upset when he left.”  Only the tick in Jim’s jaw reflected what that statement meant to him.

“Well, then, perhaps when he calls you can give him some information.  It may affect his travel plans.”  

Dr. Thornton went on to tell Jim that since Blair had not formally submitted his thesis through appropriate channels, the chancellor had no right to terminate Blair’s doctoral candidate status.   He went on to tell Jim that, in fact, Blair had discussed problems with his existing thesis due to confidentiality issues.  Blair had expressed the possibility of changing the focus of his thesis to cover the sub-culture he’d found within the police department.

“Of course the subject matter isn’t nearly as dynamic as his original thesis might have been.  But it was more main stream, shall we say, and it would have easily earned him the degree he was seeking.”

Jim ran a hand down the back of his head.  “Yes, Blair said once that he had enough information for ten dissertations.”

“Yes, he also has the ability to make intuitive leaps that are quite brilliant, really.  Well, if he does contact you, please relay what I’ve told you, Detective.”

Jim agreed and walked him to the door, but paused as Dr. Thornton turned to him again.  

“There is also one thing that I don’t believe Blair has considered and this is just a suggestion.  I believe that Blair has a case against the publishing house if he wants to pursue it.  They had no right to release any portion of the document to the press without Blair’s express permission.”

Jim nodded and thought about the stack of bills on the table.  Dr. Thornton was probably right.  With a sincere thanks to Blair’s advisor, Jim let him out of the loft and then immediately picked up the phone.  He called his Dad and asked if his lawyers could look into the possibility of a lawsuit on Blair’s behalf.  His Dad agreed wholeheartedly since he felt that he owed Blair for opening the door between him and Jim again.  That settled Jim finished getting ready to meet with Niles and Stuart.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

Jim looked around the Ashlyn Simmons’ bedroom.  It was done mostly in shades of lavender and blue.  Jim noted the scent of her things.  Her disappearance seemed to be a standard teenage runaway.  It was what he suspected happened to her that made this case different.  As promised, the FBI sent more agents to start covering the streets again, questioning locals.  They got a break when one of the homeless men was questioned about his scarf.  It appeared new and was pale lavender.  

The old man looked at Jim with bloodshot eyes as he fingered his soft new scarf.  He sniffed a bit and glared at Jim.  He didn’t want to give it up.  It was warm and a pretty color.  Just looking at it reminded him of a girl a long time ago.  He snaked a finger under a dirty knit cap and scratched his head as he tried to remember her name.  Jim watched with some distaste as skin flaked onto the scarf when the old man scratched his scalp with a grime-covered finger.  He asked to see it again but the old guy didn’t want to hand it over.  Offering him a twenty along with a promise not to keep it resulted in a shaky hand un-wrapping the scarf from a crusty neck.  Jim noted the initial smell of man himself, but underlying it was another faint scent.  The same one he’d noted in the girl’s bedroom.  Jim gave it back and after a little more questioning and a cup of coffee Jim found out that the old guy had found it in the same alley that was called in by Blair.  So the congressman’s daughter was the same girl that Blair had called about.  

“She left it for me.  She knew I was cold, so she left it for me when she got into the van.”

“Okay, Jack, can you tell me about the men?”  

Jack pulled his old Army jacket tighter around his skinny frame.  “They wore black, just black.  But she was shiny, with blonde hair and her pretty scarf.  But I think she was cold and that van looked warm.”

“What do you remember about the van, Jack?”

“Dark van, yeah, a dark van.  Maybe dark green or blue, maybe black…”

Jim’s jaw tightened and he took a deep breath.  “What else do you remember about the van, Jack?”

“Can I have some more coffee?  I want some milk, too.”  Jack whined.  He was cold and the coffee helped warm him up.

Jim motioned for a patrol cop to get some more coffee.    

“That van looked warm.  I think that’s why she wanted to get in it.”  Jim handed him the new cup of coffee.  It didn’t have cream, but it was hot.  That was good enough.

“It had bubble windows in the back.  But I bet it was warm.  It had carpet all on the inside.  But the pretty girl didn’t see it.  She was asleep when she got in.”

 _Drugged_ , Jim thought.  “Okay, Jack, what happened next?  Do you remember seeing anyone else?”

“That van must be a nice place to sleep.  Nice and warm.  The other girl was asleep when she got in, too.”

“What other girl, Jack?  What did she look like?”  There’d been no mention of anyone else missing.  “Long curly brown hair, yeah, but she dressed like a boy.  She was sleeping, too.”

“Did you see her face, Jack?  What was she wearing?”  Jim just knew the old guy was talking about Blair.

“She had a plaid shirt and dungarees.  I didn’t see her face, but she had pretty hair.  Not blonde, no, not as pretty as the first girl, but it was still pretty.”  Jack looked at Jim out of the corner of his eye.  “I wanted to go, too.  The van looked warm.  But the men…they scared me so I stayed in my house."  Jack's eyes widened in panic.  "She wanted me to have the scarf.  She left it for me!”  Jack backed away from Jim, suddenly afraid that he would want to keep the scarf after all.  

Jim raised his hands in a placating gesture, but Jack wasn’t interested.  Instead he backed up to the dumpster in the corner and crawled back under some cardboard, his house, where he’d seen both Blair and Ashlyn Simmons being placed in the back of a van.Jim turned away only to see SA Niles looking at him.  

“You heard.”  

Niles nodded.  “We have a plan.”

\-------------------------------- 

Jim watched from his station inside of an empty storefront.  He could see Sheila Larson, an undercover vice cop, hurry down the street as though she was afraid of being stopped.  _Where did they find her?_ He wondered.  She didn’t look any older than 15, which is why she was chosen to play the part of a runaway teen.  She’d been under surveillance for three days, now, but they’d yet to see any dark vans in the area.  Jim rubbed the side of his head.  The headaches were coming more frequently, now, and he didn’t even try to use his senses.  He looked up when he felt a tap at his shoulder.  Connor held out some aspirin.  Smiling slightly he took them, swallowing them dry.  Again he thanked Simon’s foresight in partnering him with her.  He’d had a couple of close calls with Niles nearly finding him in a light zone, but each time she’d been able to get him out of it before anyone noticed.  With a nod of thanks he turned back to watch Sheila.  

The radio cracked in Jim’s ear.  The van had been spotted coming their way.  Almost as soon as the transmission ended, they saw it cruising slowly down the street.  It slowed as it passed Sheila and then moved forward, pulling into a nearby alley.  Jim tensed waiting for someone to get out but his attention is dragged away from the van as a voice spoke in his ear.

“We’ve got trouble.  Punks bothering Sheila.”  Sure enough there were four young men surrounding Sheila, joking and chatting up the policewoman.  Another undercover, Jackson, was about to approach when the van pulled away and headed down the street.

“Shit!  

But at least they had the suspect van in sight.  They followed it from a distance as it continued to cruise around the area.  Several hours later the suspects apparently gave up because they started driving out of town.  They kept their distance but weren’t concerned about losing the van.  It was now under satellite surveillance.  Finally it pulled into a dirt road.  From the imagery they watched as it pulled up to a large cabin.  The cabin was well-lit and had several vehicles parked outside of it.  It didn’t take long to determine that the cabin was being used as a high-priced whorehouse.  Working with his old friends in Vice, Jim volunteered to go in undercover with SA Stuart.  

\---------------------------

Shaw read through the rest of the email.  He was sitting in one of the many cyber coffee bars popular around the Cascade area while considering his next job.  If it hadn’t been for this tasking he would already have purchased Mr. Blair Sandburg and secreted him at his “training facility” as he liked to call it.  An incoming message interrupted his thoughts.  Damn!  A change in the quarry’s itinerary was going to push his schedule back nearly a week.  Initial annoyance at the last minute change quickly dissolved as he realized that he now had plenty of time to pick up Sweet Thing, secure him and then take care of the hit.  Mollified, he logged off.  He needed to get to the bank to get the funds for his new acquisition.

Blair rolled over and groaned.  His handler should be in soon to help him get cleaned up for the next customer.  Slowly he sat up, hissing slightly as he put pressure on his tender bottom.  The last customer liked to spank.  Blair didn’t even look up as the door opened.  With head bent, he quietly followed the handler to the clean-up room.  He never heard the conversation that took place just down the hall.

“Sir, I wasn’t aware that you’d received partial payment, shall I pull Sweet Thing from our lineup?”

Lee watched as Sweet Thing followed his handler down the hall.  He noted the red ass but saw no discernible damage.  

“Shaw didn’t specify putting him on hold and he’s made no arrangement for pickup.  I’m not going to hold any merchandise without compensation so continue to use him.  Just make sure he doesn’t get anyone else who may mark him, even temporarily.”

“Understood, Mr. Lee.”  With a nod Lee turned and strode down the hallway to check on his new merchandise.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

“So I’ll keep an eye out for the Simmons girl while you look for your boyfriend, is that right?”  

It took all of Jim’s willpower not to shove that smartass look down Stuart’s throat.  Instead he gave the agent a glare that temporarily shut him up.  Stuart was a pain in the ass, but apparently he wasn’t stupid.   They’d gotten word that they were to make the kidnapping of the congressman’s daughter a priority so the search for Shaw would have to wait.  Jim didn’t care…all he wanted was some word about what had happened to Blair.  He felt it in his gut that if they found the Simmons girl, they’d find Blair.

Jim and Stuart walked up the steps into the lodge.  Jim pulled out a card.  They’d paid the snitch quite a bit for it, but it was necessary.  No one without the introductory card got into the lodge.  They were met by a couple of lugs that frisked them after giving the card a thorough review.  

Neither man was concerned about the frisk.  They didn’t wear the standard wires because they weren’t there for the standard prostitution bust focusing instead on kidnapping.  They just needed to find Blair and Simmons.  The only electronics they did carry was a small transmission device on Stuart’s watch.  It would give the signal for the police to enter if they found who they were looking for.  

Jim waited to scan the building until he was inside.  He didn’t want to run the risk of a zone so close to their goal.  But they entered the lounge area and Jim went instantly on alert.  He could hear Blair’s heartbeat.  Without concentrating too strongly on that beloved sound he reviewed the room.  There were lots of boys and girls posing on couches and lounges both alone and with customers.  Jim noted that their eyes were dilated.  Drugs.  Anger surged through him.  Blair is here somewhere.  He let that heartbeat flow through him, grounding him.  It worked.  He felt sharp and alert.  

They stood surveying the room when they were greeted by lovely older woman.  She eyed both men and was obviously pleased at what she saw.  

“Good evening, gentlemen.  My name is Helen and I’m the hostess here.  Would you care for a drink?”   She signaled for a scantily clad girl to bring a tray.  Stuart picked up a glass but Jim declined.  “So, I see you’ve been looking around.  I’m sure we can accommodate whatever interests you might have.”

Stuart looked around with a broad smile.  Gesturing with his still-full glass he immediately stated that he liked young blondes.  

“Well, we have plenty here.  Boy or girl?”

“Definitely female.”

“I’m sure we can find you some pleasant company for the evening.”  Turning to Jim she gave a seductive smile.  “And how about you, handsome?”

Jim smiled broadly at her obvious interest and let her make of it what she would. “I’m in the mood for something a bit…different.”  

“You mean someone a bit more…umm…mature?”  She sounded hopeful.

Plying her with every bit of charm he could, Jim picked up her hand and kissed it lightly then gave her another drop-dead smile.  "I meant someone a bit more…male.”

Stuart snorted but Jim ignored him.  Helen, though, handled the slight rejection with aplomb and only a small moue of disappointment.  Smiling again, she invited both Jim and Stuart to look around and led them over to a lounge that had a young blonde girl laying on it staring at the light fixture.  She had a slight smile on her face but both men knew immediately that they’d found the congressman’s daughter.  Jim was impressed by Stuart’s nonchalance as he moved to sit with her.  Helen lightly placed her hand on Jim’s arm and led him away to survey her other offerings.  

Suddenly Jim froze.  He saw Blair in the corner.  He was dancing for a customer, his arms over his head as his hips sway slowly, undulating in a circle.  The man he was dancing for was rubbing his own groin slightly as he watched Blair dance.   Jim didn’t need sentinel senses to see the lust in his eyes.  Jim felt sick but kept all expression off his face.  He watched as Blair shoved his butt towards the customer, running his hands over reddened cheeks.  Jesus, he’d been spanked.  And was that a _bite mark_ on his ass?

Helen looked over to what had captured her customer’s attention.  Sweet Thing, of course.  Unfortunately, though, he’d already been chosen by a customer.  “Sorry, honey, but Sweet Thing is busy.  Maybe I can find another friend for you tonight, hmm?”  

Jim turned back to Helen.  He needed to get rid of her so that he could signal Stuart to transmit the signal.  “I like him, Helen.  Would you mind if I watched for a while before deciding on someone else?”  Again he gave her his killer smile which she returned.

“Sure, honey.  You can watch all you want.  We can even arrange for you to watch some more if that’s what you’d like…”

Jim just smiled and nodded as she sauntered away.  Jim looked back at Blair.  Now he was giving the man a lap dance that had Jim’s heart rate spiking.  Blair has his head thrown back, his mahogany curls brush across his bare back. The man was busy licking Blair’s nipples.  Jim heard Blair moan, only his sentinel hearing picking up the quiet words, “oh, Jim…”

Just then Stuart wandered over, his arm holding the blonde possessively about her waist.  He dragged his eyes away from the girl to look at Jim.

“Find what you’re looking for, Jimmy?”  He laughed as Ashlyn Simmons cuddled into his side.  But his eyes slid over to what Jim was staring at so intently.  His eyes widened.  _That’s_ Ellison’s partner?  

Helen walked back over.   “Come on, honey.  Are you sure about Sweet Thing?  I’ve got lots more to choose from…” 

Jim looked pointedly back at Stuart.  “I found what I want.”  

It was the signal Stuart was waiting for.  Stuart pretended to glance at his watch but he was really setting off the transmitter.  “We got all the time you need, Jimmy.”

Within moments there was the noise of smashing wood and glass coming from several directions.  Helen cursed as she made a break for it but was stopped at the door.  FBI and local police came pouring in through every doorway.

Jim rushed over to Blair and hauled him off the man’s lap.  Blair didn’t fight the strong hands holding him.  Instead he leaned back and opened his drugged eyes to see Jim’s face.  _Of course it’s Jim._   He gave Jim a sweet smile.  It’s part of his fantasy.  

“Did you l-like that, Jim?”  He asked in a slurred voice.

Jim was heartbroken as he looked into the drug-dazed eyes, but he also understood that Blair wasn’t responsible for his actions.

“Blair!  Come on, Chief!”  Jim shook him slightly.  He needed to get him out of there, get him to a medic.

Blair closed his eyes when he was shaken.  That and the firm grasp on his biceps seemed to orient him a bit.  He opened his eyes and looked up and then realized that this really was Jim, this wasn’t a drug-induced fantasy.  Horror flooded his face and he struggled to get away.  _Oh, God, oh God!  Not like this!_

Jim continued to hold Blair as he struggled.  Suddenly he felt hands on his wrists.  He turned and saw SAs Niles and Stuart.

“Detective Ellison!  Let him go…we need to talk to him!”  

“No!  He’s drugged…he needs medical help!”  Jim was furious, other hands were pulling him away from Blair… _his_ Blair.  Then Simon was in his face.  

“Jim!  Let them talk to him…I promise we’ll get him to a hospital.”

Jim turned to see someone wrapping a blanket around Blair and leading him away.  _No!_

“Mr. Sandburg, please try and concentrate…have you seen this man?”  

Blair blinked slowly and tried to focus on the picture, but all of his attention stayed on the angry man in the next room.  Jim! Jim was trying to get to him, but Blair didn’t want him to, didn’t want to face what Jim thought about him because now he wasn’t just stupid…he was a stupid whore.  Tears blurred his eyes and he tried to blink them away.  Instead they just ran down his cheeks.  The picture was again waved in front of his face.  

“Y-y-yes, h-h-he was h-here…”  Blair answered in a quavering voice.  “D-d-don’t let h-h-him t-t-take me!”  Tears ran down Blair’s face and his terror was clear.

Niles stared at the young man, quickly losing patience with the stutter and drugged confusion.  “When, Mr. Sandburg.  When did you see him?”

“T-t-two?  Yes, two d-d-days ago…h-h-he said…c-c-coming back…t-t-take m-m-me.  D-d-don’t l-l-let him…”  Blair sobbed again.  “H-h-he b-b-bites…”

 _Shit!_   SA Niles knew then that they’d missed Shaw.  No doubt he’d hear about this and would now stay away.  Well, maybe all was not lost.  Recovering the Simmons girl would put them back in their director’s good graces and they could still keep an eye on Sandburg.  She was sure Shaw wouldn’t lose interest in him that quickly, especially if he’d bitten Sandburg.  Shaw only bit the ones he liked best.  It was part of the profile they had on him, the one she didn’t show Ellison.  She didn’t need him any more whacked out than he already was.  Looking down at the shivering man she wondered what it was that Ellison saw in him besides the obvious.  He certainly was pretty if you liked that type.  

Signaling that she was done she watched as two FBI agents led Blair away to the waiting ambulances.  Getting him cared for should calm Mr. Stud Ellison down.  Pity.  The typical single woman’s lament rang through her head… _the good ones are married or gay…_

Shaw watched the flashing lights from a distance.  It would seem that Fate had again intervened and had prevented him from arriving sooner than he’d planned.  And the FBI was on hand as well.  He wondered about that but smiled as he watched officers leading all of the lost little angels out of the lodge.  One small blonde angel seemed to be of particular interest to the FBI.  Well, apparently Lee had snagged the wrong angel.  Pity.  He continued to scan for one particular figure but grimaced as it began to rain.  What an annoying aspect about this part of the country.  Irritated, he watched as several angels were led to waiting ambulances.  Ah!  There he was…he’d been led out by several police and FBI officers to stand with some other lost angels.  A small commotion at the door drew his attention but a quick movement let him see his fallen angel slide away from the group.  Shaw watched as Blair Sandburg disappeared into the woods behind one of the ambulances.  Well, well!

“What the hell is taking them so long, Simon?”  Jim paced back and forth like a caged panther.  “Blair needs medical help, damnit!”  He could hear his guide’s heart pounding out a frantic beat and every protective instinct in him raged.  He stopped and spun around as the door opened and an officer came in to tell them that Sandburg had been taken to the ambulance.Jim whirled on him and snarled.  

“Why the hell didn’t anyone call me as soon as they were done questioning him?”  Without waiting for an answer Jim charged outside and pushed his way through the officers at the front door all the while calling out for Blair.  The officers reacted as expected and held back the angry man trying to leave, unaware of who he was.

Blair heard Jim’s call and panicked.  While attention was on Jim at the door, Blair quietly moved back around the ambulance.  No one noticed as he slipped into the woods in the falling rain.

It took precious minutes to determine that Blair was nowhere around the ambulances.  Jim tried desperately to hear his Guide’s heart but with sinking despair he realized that Blair was gone.

Blair raced through the darkness, his bare feet sliding in the mud as the rain continued to fall heavily around him.  He still had the blanket wrapped around him and it was only a miracle that allowed him to keep it as he ran blindly through the bushes, the rain erasing any prints or scent of his passage.  Blair kept running.  The drug that coursed through his veins separated his mind from his body enough that he continued to move long passed the point of normal exhaustion.  He had no concept of time, his mind having shut down several hours before.  He wasn’t even aware that the sky was beginning to lighten.  He’d run to the point where his muscles were now refusing to keep moving.  Slowing, he again tripped on an exposed root.  He lay there stunned for a moment, but it was enough for his body to react to the cessation of movement.  He was now completely incapable of anything as his body shut down and he succumbed to the darkness around him and in his mind.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

“Jim, we don’t have the manpower to continue this…we’re going to have to call in for more bodies.”

Simon looked at the exhausted man and tried again to shove another cup of coffee into the cold hands.  

“He’s out there, Simon.  He’s scared and wet and cold.  And who knows what the hell those drugs did to his mind.”  Jim rubbed his hands across his eyes as much to wipe away the tears he no longer seemed able to control as to wipe away the fatigue.  They’d been searching all night in an ever-widening pattern until they’d had to call a halt due to rain and darkness.  Jim’s head was pounding…he’d been trying for hours to hear or smell anything that would tell him what direction Blair had run in.

“I know, man.  I know.  But killing yourself won’t help us find him any sooner.”  Simon leaned in to speak more quietly.  “You need to rest and maybe you can use your senses again…”

Simon was scared.  He’d come upon Jim in one of his zones and had actually slapped him to get his attention.  Fortunately it had worked and since Jim had been off by himself no one saw the Captain of Major Crimes slapping his detective around, but he wasn’t sure if it would keep working.  

“They’re offline, Simon… “

“What!  Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jim just shook his head.  “When I had Blair in my arms last night, everything kicked back into place.  I could feel my senses settling down, but now, pushing so hard without him.  You saw what happened!  And right now?  I have them totally dialed down, Simon.  They started spiking while I was out looking for him last night.”

“Okay, Jim.  Look, you get some rest.  I’m working with Niles and Stuart to keep up the search.  We’re also calling in Search and Rescue.  We’re going to find him, Jim.”  

Simon patted Jim on the shoulder as he lay back down on the cot in the tent they’d put up as a command post.  Jim closed his eyes knowing that he’d be asleep in moments but still sadly wondered about his friend.  _Why’d you run from me, Chief?_ He was asleep before he became aware of the tear that rolled into his hair.

\--------------------------------

Blair woke up cold and wet under his soaked blanket.  He turned his head slightly and then groaned loudly disturbing a nearby squirrel and sending it scampering into the brush.  He tried to move again but the attempt brought tears to his eyes and he sobbed.  He’d never been so sore in his entire life!  Every muscle in his body screamed in protest as he tried to lift his head.  He laid there a while longer as he tried to remember what had happened to him.  The police…and Jim…they’d found him.  But he didn’t want Jim to see what he’d become.  Everything was vague but Blair knew that he’d run away, run away from Jim.  He must have run quite a bit if he was this sore…or maybe it was an aftereffect of the drug he’d been given.  He wasn’t sure.  All he knew was that he needed to keep moving.  Needed to find a new place where maybe he could start over.  Yes, that was his only option.  But first he needed to move.  With another sob he forced himself to sit up.  He looked at his feet.  They were crisscrossed with deep cuts and scratches.  How had he been able to move at all?  He shook his head.  It didn’t matter.  He needed to move now.  Slowly standing and wrapping his blanket more tightly around him, he picked a direction and slowly started walking.

He’d been walking most of the morning, stopping only to drink from a tiny rain-swollen stream.  Despite shivering from the cold he was feeling slightly better and he was hungry.  He hadn’t been able to find anything to eat around this part of the woods, though, and had continued to walk through the afternoon.  It was starting to get dark again when he realized that he could smell smoke.  It was faint, but it was definitely smoke.  Walking in that direction for quite some time, it was dusk when he finally came to a drop where he could see a barn near a cleared field. He didn’t see any houses, though.  But the barn called to him.  Maybe there’d be some place he could curl up and get warm.  With that thought in mind he made his way across the field.

Blair was awakened by the feel of a boot shoving him across the ass and pushing him down into the dirty straw-covered floor.  

“Wh-what?”  He tried to focus on the outline of a man looking down on him.  He stood in a shaft of light but then moved.  Blair quickly brought an arm up to cover his eyes.  Doing that dislodged the blanket he had wrapped around him and he heard a hiss and a gasp from somewhere to his right.  Blair felt hands grabbing him by the arms as he was hauled to his feet.  

“Whore of Babylon, get thee from my sight!”

Blearily Blair knew that whoever this was had gotten at least part of the description right.  

“God Almighty, Father…who is he?  _What_ is he?”  

Blair looked at the two men holding him up.  All he saw was stern faces but their eyes!  Oh he’d seen that look enough lately to recognize the lust that burned there.  But the man in front of him, Blair felt a chill at the hatred he saw in those eyes.

“A sinner brought from the outside world to contaminate our place…a perversion from Satan himself.”  The old man turned and looked up into the rafters of the barn and began shouting.

“Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD they GOD for any vow: for even both these are abominations unto the LORD they GOD!” ¹

“N-no, puh-please…I n-need help…”  Blair couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  What version of hell did he land in now?

“Silence!  There’s no help for the likes of you here.”  The older man turned to the other two.  “Ephraim, get some rope and that chain.  Zebediah, get me my crop and that collar.  We’ll tie this beast up and teach it not to dally with God’s Chosen.  Then I’ll pray for guidance.”

“N-no!  Puh-please…I haven’t d-d-done anything t-t-to you!”  Blair bucked and fought but was too weak to keep the two men from tying his hands around the post.  

“Bind its lying mouth to keep its poison from your ears, my sons.  The serpent will say anything to sway God-fearing folk from the righteous path.  Recall the Psalms, my children!  ‘They have sharpened their tongues like aserpent; adders' poison is under their lips. SELAH!’”  2

Blair felt tears fill his eyes as a filthy rag was placed across his mouth and tied behind his head. He still fought as a collar was placed around his neck.  _Oh, God!  Who were these freaks!_   He started to choke when the collar was tightened.  A chain was fastened to the small D-ring and then secured to a hook on a post high over Blair’s head.  He looked over his shoulder only to see an arm holding a crop raise up in the air.  _Nooo!_

A strip of fire burned its way across his back and he screamed into his gag.  Behind him he could hear the old man shouting.  

“And after these things I heard a great voice of much people in heaven, saying, Alleluia; Salvation, and glory, and honor, and power, unto the Lord our GOD,”

_Crack!_

“For true and righteous are his judgments: for He hath judged the great whore, which did corrupt the earth with her fornication,”

_Crack!_

“and hath avenged the blood of his servants at her hand.  And again they said, ALLELUIA!” 3  

Blair’s entire back was on fire and the edges of his vision grew dim as he cried.  He lost consciousness before the old man finished his sermon.Blair gasped as the ice-cold water brought him back to consciousness and then ran down his back.  He opened his eyes to see the three men staring at him and he sobbed again in fear but they made no further move towards him.  Instead he watched as the three men walked out of the barn, the two younger men looking back over their shoulders with looks that made Blair’s stomach curdle.  He knew he’d be seeing them again.  No doubt without their father.

Blair found himself sitting at the base of the post.  He dropped his forehead against the rough wood and closed his eyes.  _Stupid!  …should never have come in here…should have just kept walking… stupid, stupid!_  Lost in misery, it was several hours before he succumbed to pain and fatigue and fell asleep.  

He had no idea how long he’d been asleep when he felt hands pulling him up.  He opened his eyes, but everything was dark except for a shaft of moonlight some distance away.  It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but yet it was when he felt hard hands grab at the small bit of cloth he wore.  It was quickly torn away as he was flipped onto his stomach.  A knee was pressed into the middle of his back and he screamed in pain.  A hard punch to the back of his head left him dazed and only faintly aware of the fingers that stabbed him in the ass.  Then the searing pain of the forced entry brought him back to full awareness.  He tried to buck the weight off of him to no avail.  Suddenly he was being torn apart.  He screamed into his gag but the burning, tearing pain continued.  He moaned as the weight pounded into him and prayed for the bastard to finish quickly.  The only sounds in the barn were Blair’s soft sobs punctuated by the slap of hard flesh against flesh.  A pause and a muffled groan was the only evidence that the first man was done.  He was quickly replaced by the second and then he, too, pounded out his lust into Blair’s body.  It didn’t take long before the second man was also done.  Blair lay in the filthy straw, every bit of his body screaming from the abuse as the two men secured the chain again.  Shocked, he could only lay there and listen to the rustling sound of clothes being re-fastened.  He flinched and pulled away when he felt a hand slide slowly through his hair and was only slightly surprised when his blanket was thrown over his body.  No words were spoken as the men left the barn, leaving Blair cold and aching on the floor, weeping quietly.

Blair watched as the dawn came but grimaced when he heard someone approach from behind him.  He feared a repeat of last night’s rape.  Instead he was surprised by a young woman moving closer to inspect him.  She squatted a few feet away and stared at him with solemn eyes while she chewed on a fingernail.  She had thin blonde hair pulled into a braid that fell over one shoulder.  Blair waited, wondering what this person would do to him.  They stared at one another a moment longer when she apparently came to some decision.  Blair hadn’t noticed the cloth bundle next to her in the dim light until she picked it up.  He couldn’t help the flinch or his trembling as she got closer.

“I’ll make you a deal.”  

Her voice was gruff but firm.  Blair had no idea what deal she had in mind, but at least she was speaking to him.  He raised his eyebrows in question.

“I want your earrings and that pretty thing on your forehead.  I’ll let you go and give you this.  They’re pants and a shirt.  Whaddya’ say?”

Blair knew this was probably his only chance.  Even if the other three were waiting outside with shotguns, there was no way he was turning this down.  Nodding quickly, he waited while the girl untied his hands and then jumped back.  He shook his hands to return the circulation for a moment then unfastened the collar and removed the gag.   

“You’re bleedin’” The girl said softly, gesturing to Blair’s backside.  

Blair wasn’t sure if she was talking about his back or his ass.  He shrugged.  They hadn’t been gentle last night, but at least he was alive.  He felt through his hair for the pins that held the chain in place and then pulled it off.  He slipped the earrings off and placed everything in an outstretched palm.  

“Wh-what ab-bout these?”  He asked, gesturing to the nipple rings and belly piercing.

“Naw, don’t know what to do with those.”  She said as she moved back, eyeing her new treasures.  

Blair quickly donned the clothes.  The pants were too big, but he didn’t care.  Then he picked up the rope that had so recently bound his hands.  Holding the rope and his pants up with one hand he moved to the door.  He was about to turn and ask where the men were only to see that the girl had disappeared.  Shrugging, he looked around but saw no movement at all.  _Now or never_ , he thought as he moved as quickly as his aching body allowed across the field and into the surrounding woods.

1  Deut. 23:18

2  Psalms 140

3 Rev 19:2

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

Jim signed the paperwork that would put him on leave for 90 days.  He was taking every single day he had coming to him to continue his search for Blair.  It was still amazing to him that Blair had been able to evade everyone and just disappear, everyone unable to believe the distance he’d covered.  He shook his head in awe and some pride.  With real training Blair would have made one hell of a Ranger.

They’d searched through the mountains for three days before finally calling it off.  At the time Jim had been furious.  But eventually he finally agreed that they couldn’t continue to put so much manpower towards trying to find someone that didn’t want to be found.  After all, Blair wasn’t wanted for anything except as a possible link to Jerome Shaw.  But even that had been tenuous.  SA Niles was sure that Shaw had left to avoid all the attention the recovery of Congressman Simmons’ daughter had caused.  Jim wasn’t so sure.  He wouldn’t believe that Blair was safe until he had him back and in his arms.  This belief was fueled by the look on Blair’s face that said that it was thoughts of Jim that had gotten him through the hell he was in.

It took nearly three days of walking out a grid pattern from the lodge, but Jim finally found a small thread caught on a bush that he was sure came from the blanket that Blair had used to cover himself up that night.  It wasn’t much, but it did give him a direction.  He kept moving.

Jim found himself staring at a barn near a cleared field.  There wasn’t anyone around, so he decided to check the place out.  It looked unused, with nothing but some rusted chains and old harnesses and farm implements lying around.  Jim was hesitant since he was alone, but he cautiously opened up his senses a bit.  There…the scent of blood which made his heart pound.  He moved to the pole and saw splatters of old blood.  He got down on his knees and carefully breathed in whatever scents still lingered.  He nearly cried when he identified Blair’s unique scent.  From the blood he wasn’t sure if Blair had been injured and sought shelter here…or if he’d been hurt even more on this spot.  Either way, he was going to find out.  He pulled out his cell phone.

\-----------------------------

Blair finished tying the rope around his waist to hold his pants up.  He was still faint from his injuries and malnourishment, but he wasn’t completely starving.  When he’d calmed some and had stopped running he realized that there was something in the pocket of the shirt.  It was a piece of bread.  He’d inhaled it on the spot and wondered yet again about the strange girl and her horrifying companions.  Or was it her family?  He didn’t know and didn’t care.  He was just glad to be away from them.

He walked a bit longer and then came to a paved road.  _Finally!_   Choosing a direction, he continued walking.  It wasn’t long before he came to another paved road, one obviously more heavily traveled, when he heard the sound of a truck.  He automatically stuck out his thumb.  Luck was finally with him when an 18-wheeler slowed down.  It took some effort, but he was able to climb into the cab.

“Where ‘ya headed, son?”  Bob looked Blair over and regretted picking the kid up.  He was dirty and covered with straw and he cowered into the corner of the cab.  No shoes covered the filthy feet and Bob knew he had to be freezing.  But there was something about him that made Bob think of a beat-up, half-starved dog he’d seen on the road.  Well, if nothing else, the kid could sure use a hand-out.

“Th-the n-n-nearest town, puh-please.”  Blair was terrified.  Here was another ordinary looking man, ordinary just like Lee had been, and he wasn’t sure what that affable face hid, what kind of cruelty the man was capable of, but Blair was at the end of his rope.  If this didn’t work out, he hoped that this time the man would just kill him.  

“Sure kid.  My name’s Bob.  It’ll be a bit of a drive, so you can go to sleep if you want…”  Bob stopped at the look of terror on the kid’s face.  “I’m not going to hurt you…looks like you’ve had enough of that lately.”  Bob got a sinking feeling in his gut.  “Tell you what, we can just talk and if you’re hungry there’s some left over sandwich in that bag there,” he pointed to a white take-out bag on the seat in between them.  “There’s also water in the cooler behind you there.  Help yourself, okay?”

The heat in the cab started to sink into Blair’s body and he began to shake.  He hadn’t realized how cold he was.  It had been so long since he’d felt warm.  He didn’t know if he could trust Bob, but Bob was better than being out there.   He stretched out a shaky hand to the bag and pulled out the sandwich.  He tried to eat slowly but he was still so hungry.  Once he’d finished the sandwich he slowly sipped a bottle of water.  The full belly and heat eventually took their toll and his eyes slid shut.

Bob watched the kid fall asleep and he wondered yet again what had happened to bring the kid to this state.  He doubted the kid even realized that he’d been crying the entire time he was eating the sandwich.  Dear God in Heaven, what was this world coming to?  There was a truck stop about thirty miles down the road.  He’d stop and make a report.  He figured the kid would stay asleep until then.  Sure looked like he needed it.

Blair woke up a short time later and realized that the truck had stopped.  Bob was nowhere to be seen but Blair recognized the fact that they were at a truck stop.  He needed to get out.  He couldn’t trust anyone.  Not even Bob.  He groaned as he moved to get out of Bob’s truck, grateful that he didn’t see anyone else around.  Moving slowly from truck to truck he spotted a small commercial truck that had the back door open.  The driver had stopped to deliver paper goods to the back door.  Once Blair saw him go back into the building, he slipped inside and hid behind several large boxes and settled down to wait.  It was only a few moments later that the driver returned the dolly he was using to the back of the truck and then closed the door.  After another few minutes, the truck pulled out.

Bob was nervous as he led the state trooper back to his truck.  The kid was sound asleep when he left him to make the call and felt lucky to find a patrol car stopped for lunch.  He practically ran up to the officer to tell him what he’d done.  Bob pulled himself up to the passenger side of the truck and peered in.  It didn’t surprise him to see that the kid was gone.

“He’s gone.”  Bob opened the door and looked in to see if the kid had left anything behind.  “Holy shit!”

Without a word the officer pulled himself up beside Bob to see what appeared to be blood stains across the back and bottom cushions.  With a grim face the officer called it in.

\------------------------------

Jim met SA Niles and the local sheriff, Martin Towns, near the turnoff to the Macklin farm.  He needed to get the local law enforcement guys out there to look around.  He was positive that once they were there he’d be able to find some probable cause for a search warrant.Sheriff Towns looked at the other two.  There was something they needed to know about the man they were about to go see.

“Agent Niles, Detective, before we go up to the house there’s some things you need to know, alright?”

SA Niles narrowed her green eyes but waited patiently for the sheriff to speak.

“Mr. Macklin is a bit of a strange bird.  Fact is they’re survivalists and religious fanatics.  He and his family are complete loners, only coming into town for supplies every few months.  But I have to tell you, I truly hope the man you’re looking for didn’t come this way.  I’ve suspected these folks of some doings, but I’ve never been able to get proof.”  He didn’t mention that besides theft there’d been mention of rapes in some of the surrounding areas.

SA Niles nodded.  She’d dealt with this type before.  She turned to Ellison but he was already getting into his truck.  Sighing, she got into her own vehicle.  As they drove up to the house they could see a thin woman hanging clothes on the line.  At their approach she quickly retreated to the house.  After a moment they were met by a tall thin man with a very forbidding countenance.

The Sheriff approached the man.  “Mr. Macklin, good morning.”

Macklin nodded but remained silent and watchful.

“I’m here with Detective Ellison from the Cascade Police Department and Special Agent Niles from the FBI.  We’re looking for someone, a young man, and we think he may have come this way.”  Towns pulled a photo of Blair from his pocket and handed it to the farmer.

Without even looking at the photo, Macklin stared into the Sheriff’s eyes.  “No one has been this way, Sheriff.”

Jim started looking around while the sheriff spoke to the farmer.  He could see the thin old woman watching from inside the house.  Using his sight and hoping it wouldn’t go crazy, he looked passed her into the house.  Movement drew his eye and he knew there were others waiting inside.  He scanned the house and wasn’t surprised when he detected someone coming from the back and staying just to the other side, out of normal vision.  He caught SA Niles eye and then looked back to the house.  She understood and fanned out to the left as Jim moved to the right.  As he did so, he looked back towards the kitchen but then the laundry basket caught his eye.  The corner of a blanket was hanging out of it and printed along one side were the initials CGH, Cascade General Hospital.  The same type of blanket that Blair had with him the night he disappeared.

This time catching the Sheriff’s eye he moved towards the basket.  The Sheriff and Macklin moved closer and then Jim pointed out the blanket.

“My wife was ill.  I took her to the hospital.”  Macklin intoned in a monotone voice.

“Now, Mr. Macklin,” the Sheriff began as he looked at the blanket.  “You and I both know you and your kin have always refused outside medical care.  “‘Purveyors of Godless practices’ I think you called them.  Well, the young man we’re looking for had exactly that type of blanket when…”

Just then Jim pulled the Sheriff to the side as the man at the left side of the house jumped out and fired a shot at Niles.  Jim pulled his gun but Niles had already returned fire and hit the shooter.  Macklin had jumped towards the house, but Jim caught him by the leg and tripped him.  He was cuffing him as the Sheriff, his own weapon in his hand, began to move to the right side of the house.

“Everyone in the house…come out with your hands up.  One of your men is dead and I have Macklin in custody.  Surrender now!”

Jim heard gasps inside the house and then the sound of a door being kicked in.  Moving inside he spotted the wife and motioned her to get on the floor.  He dove to the side as more gunfire erupted and then he heard a scream.  Keeping a gun on the woman he moved to the side of a doorway that led into what looked like a parlor.  He saw Sheriff Towns kicking away the gun lying next to a man on the floor.   Towns checked the man’s pulse and then shook his head. 

Jim looked back at the woman sobbing on the floor and then called out to Niles.  She responded that she had Macklin and a girl.

Jim got the old woman to her feet.  She looked so tired and defeated.  

“Who else is here?”  

She just sobbed.  Angered Jim shook her shoulder.  “Who else?”  He demanded.

“Husband, two sons and my daughter.  That’s all.”

The Sheriff came into the room.  “The house is clear.  Ellison?”

“Three men, two women.”  Jim said as he pushed the woman outside.  The Sheriff came up and cuffed her. She stood next to Macklin who remained seated on the ground muttering to himself.  Jim listened for a moment and then realized he was praying.  Looking up he saw that Niles had another girl handcuffed.  The girl was looking down at the body of the first man shot.  Without warning she hauled back and kicked the corpse in the side.  Niles dragged her back before she could kick the dead man again.  Jim just shook his head as the Sheriff called in for assistance.

It took a while but the entire sordid mess became clear.  Macklin and his wife were survivalists, raising three children according to their religious tenants.  According to them, everyone else was a pawn of Satan.  Unfortunately, both boys didn’t quite subscribe to their parent’s teaching.  But it was the girl that finally came clean about Blair.  She told them that her brothers did go out to ‘slake their fleshly desires’ on the whores that were rampant around their farm.  Just as they’d done with Blair while he was there.  Sickened, Jim wished he’d been the one to shoot the two bastards that had hurt Blair.  It took the Sheriff and one of his deputies to keep him from killing Macklin when he found out about the beating.

The girl had also pulled a small box from under a floorboard in her room to produce the headband and earrings she’d gotten from Blair when she’d released him.

“I got him some clothes and a bit of food.  But I couldn’t do nothing about the bleeding.”

“How badly was he hurt?”  Jim demanded as they questioned her.

“His back where Father beat him, and his…uh…backside.”

Jim’s gut clenched understanding then that Blair had been bleeding from a rape.  _Jesus, baby, please let me find you!_

“Which way did he run?”

The girl pointed and then Jim was running.  He ignored the shouts from behind him as he headed into the woods to try and find some semblance of a trail.  Almost immediately, Jim found a blood trail leading him deeper into the woods.  Jim bent down and found some tiny bread crumbs.  Blair had stopped to eat the meager offerings from the girl.  Jim’s heart was pounding.  As he trailed Blair, he found several more drops of blood.  He’d obviously bled through the clothes the girl had given him.  He heard someone following him at a distance.  He didn’t bother to wait, instead pressing forward to find the next clue.

Sheriff Towns finally caught up with Detective Ellison at the side of a paved road.   Ellison was bent over what appeared to be a tiny drop of blood and another smear, probably from a foot.

“He came through here.  Where does this road lead, Sheriff?”

Towns was amazed that the detective had followed a nearly non-existent trail through the woods.  Is this what it took to be a big city cop?  Shaking his head in awe, Towns answered.  “This goes to the state route.  If he made it to that road, he could have gotten a ride.”

While Ellison continued walking, Towns radioed his men to bring Ellison’s truck and his car.  After a while they came to the state route.  Jim looked up and down the side of the road in both directions.  He was passed by a semi. 

“There’s no more trail.  Blair got a ride here.”  Jim pointed to a spot where there were some faint footprints, but fortunately no blood.  Towns looked up as his deputies delivered both vehicles.  He told them to look into reports of any hitchhikers or injured people.

Jim continued to stare at the footprints when he noticed that his vision was dimming at the edges.  He was trying to dial down his senses to avoid any type of a zone not to mention the fact that his head was throbbing.  He knew he’d pushed it nearly to the limit, but at least they knew that Blair had escaped those freaks back at the farm.  But where was he now?

"Come on, Ellison.  There was a report of an injured hitchhiker up at the truck stop.  It could be your man.”

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

Blair woke up when the truck came to another stop.  He’d avoided being seen at the previous stop, but didn’t think he could continue to hide for long.  The cartons he’d been hiding behind were quickly disappearing as the driver continued on his rounds.

Blair waited until the driver moved away from the truck and then he crept forward.  The driver disappeared into the building so Blair slowly crawled out and moved away.  There was no way he could run weakened by hunger and his injuries, so he huddled down behind a dumpster for a bit as he tried to decide which way to go.  The driver was moving his second load into the building when Blair finally stood and walked away.  He walked down a somewhat vacant street in an industrial area until he got to a more populated street.  Although rundown, there were several businesses still open.  One of them was a pawnshop.  Blair thought about the jewelry he still wore, grateful at that moment that the girl hadn’t seen the ankle bracelet when she’d released him.  It should be worth a few bucks.  Ignoring the strange looks he received he made his way to the pawnshop.  He figured people stared because of how dirty he was and the fact that he was barefoot.  He had no idea that his back was covered in dried blood.

Sometime later he clutched the thirty dollars in his fist as he made his way to the nearest Salvation Army store.  For the first time in quite awhile he felt somewhat hopeful.  Thirty dollars wasn’t much, but it was more than he’d had at several points in his life.  And he was familiar with the Salvation Army.  Jim had ragged on him about his wardrobe, but he always made sure he was clean and neat even if the clothes themselves were a bit dated.  Now if he could just get a shower.

Blair wondered if he could get more to eat as he scraped the last bit of food from his bowl with a piece of bread.  Looking at the length of the line he realized that it was highly doubtful there’d be enough to feed all the hungry faces he saw.  He felt a bit guilty.  He was young and relatively healthy.  Most of the other folks at this soup kitchen looked like they’d been on the streets a lot longer than him.  Grateful for what he did get he got up to give his seat to a small person who was so bundled up he wasn’t sure if it was a man or a woman.  His words were ignored as the person quickly sat down and started shoveling food into his/her mouth.  Shrugging slightly he picked up his backpack and took his bowl to deposit it in the dirty dish tray and left.  Double checking to see that his hair was all tucked into his beanie, he stepped out into the fading sunlight.  It was still too early to try and get a bed at the homeless shelter, so he decided to look around the area.  Maybe he could get a line on some work or a cheap place to live for awhile.  He’d learned that he was in a small city called Riverton.  He tried to remember if he’d ever seen it on any maps but realized that he hadn’t.  It was as good a place as any to try and start over and big enough that he was sure he could disappear for awhile.

\----------------------------------

“Well, from the description I’d say it was your friend, Detective.  My forensics guy’s waiting on word from your hospital to see if the blood we found in the barn, the blood from the road and the blood in the cab matches Mr. Sandburg, though I’d lay money that it does.  At least we know your friend is alive.” 

Sheriff Towns looked at the man next to him and worried a bit.  Ellison looked like he was on his last leg.  The man hadn’t eaten as far as Towns knew and got damn little rest.  Ellison had just nodded at the Sheriff and went back to looking at the map.  They’d tracked Blair to the truck rest where he’d apparently hid on another truck heading out.  Dependent upon the direction, there were two cities that were the likeliest destinations, Hudsonville and Riverton.  Although Riverton was closer, there were a lot more trucks headed towards Hudsonville which was the larger of the two cities.  Jim decided to start there.

He went out to his truck.  He needed to call Simon again to give him an update.  He was under no illusion that searching for Blair like this would take time and he worried about Blair’s physical state.  At least there’d been no word from either city of any DOAs matching Blair’s known physical injuries.  But before he called Simon he needed to touch bases with the private detective he’d hired on his Dad’s recommendation.  He knew he needed help so he’d arranged for Sam Barnes to cover Riverton while he started in Hudsonville.  Those calls only took a few minutes and then he was on the road.  

As he drove, he thought about the man he’d hired.  He’d hit it off with Sam immediately, not only because of their shared military background, but recognizing in him the same need to find the answers, or as Blair put it, to protect the tribe.  Only Sam had left his job as a military investigator with a strong desire to do the same type of work but on his own terms, without answering to anyone else.  So he became a PI while Jim had joined the PD.  

He recalled the interview Sam had done when he took the job.  Sam hadn’t called it an interview, said he needed more info about Sandburg, but Jim knew what it was.  Sam had wanted to get into Jim’s head a little bit to learn more about Blair.  

“So Sandburg’s your partner, right?  He’s a cop?”

“No.  He’s not a cop.  He is…was…a ride-along.  He was working on his dissertation about the police department…”

“Yeah, I heard about that…”

“Well, there’s one thing you need to know.  Blair didn’t falsify anything.  He was working on a piece of fiction…just fiction.  His real dissertation was about the police department, not me with some kind of super powers, got it?  It got all messed up…”

“And yet he said that…” 

“I know what he said.  But he said that because people were getting on my case, saying that shit was true.  And then I took it out on him.”  Jim ran his hand through his thinning hair.  How much could he tell Sam?  All of this added to the picture of Blair’s mental state, gave reasons to why Blair would run away from him.  “Look.  It’s my fault he gave that press conference.  He wanted everyone to leave me alone, so maybe he didn’t handle that as well as he could have but he did it for me, okay?”

“So that’s why he ran from the whore-house bust.”  Sam looked at his new boss.  He was big, muscular, a real man’s man.  “Because he thought you were still mad at him?”  He watched as Ellison nodded.   But there was more here that wasn’t being said.  .

“Sandburg was also your roommate.”

Ellison looked at Barnes.  “Yes.  He’d been living with me ever since his old place burned when a drug lab blew up.”

Whew!  Sam blew out some air as he considered the lives these two men led.   He already knew that Sandburg had been hospitalized several times in the last three years. 

“At the time he left he thought I didn’t want him around anymore.”

“But you do.”

“Yeah, I do.”  Ellison gave Barnes a steely eyed look, daring him to make something of that statement. 

But that simple statement said it all to Sam.  Ellison was in love with Sandburg which Sam didn’t really care about.  He was pretty open-minded and honest enough with himself to admit that both Ellison and Sandburg were good-looking men.  So Sam just nodded and shrugged which said that he was okay with it and watched as some of the tension bled out of the massive shoulders...shoulders that probably wouldn’t have any problem throwing him out on his ass if he’d given any kind of bigoted response.

“In your opinion, with Sandburg’s background, would he be alright living on the street?”  Some folks just didn’t do well and became statistics soon after finding themselves cold and hungry.

“He’d make it okay or at least bluff his way through.”  Jim smiled as he recalled some of Blair’s famous stunts but then it fled as he recalled the halting news conference.  “He’s really very intelligent, but after everything he’s been through…”  Jim just shook his head as the familiar pain gripped his stomach.

That same pain gripped Jim again and his hands tightened on the wheel as he thought of Blair living on the streets somewhere, becoming a victim to some other ravaging animal.  _You’ve got to be alright, Blair!  Just hold on till I find you!_

He wished SA Niles would call.  Niles had left after Macklin’s arrest because her assassin had apparently completed another job while she and Stuart had been working with him.  He wondered if she was back in deep water because of her hunch that Shaw was still interested in Blair.  He wasn’t too thrilled with her personally but she’d been good back at the Macklin farm.  He was sure that if she thought Shaw was headed this way she’d let him know. 

\-----------------------------------

Hudsonville.  Shaw considered that for a moment as he followed the blue and white pickup truck from several miles back.  He’d been able to get close enough to plant a tracking device on it but he still didn’t take any chances.  Once Ellison hit Hudsonville he’d switch cars again just to keep Ellison from becoming suspicious if he saw the same vehicle too often.  So would his little angel have headed to Hudsonville?  Possibly.  Ellison seemed to think so although Shaw was sure Ellison was hedging his bets and had someone checking out Riverton as well.  Either way, Shaw knew that if he stuck to Ellison he’d learn where Blair Sandburg had disappeared to.  Thinking about those beautiful eyes and that hair, that delectable ass, made Shaw regret yet again not having taken Sandburg away from Lee that first night.  But he was not a man to dwell on regrets.  He’d completed another job and was free for the time being which allowed him to work on getting his little angel back into his fold.  Once Ellison found him, it would be a simple thing to eliminate him.  Definitely simple.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

Blair walked down another street.  He was exhausted and his back was killing him and he wondered if he might also be running a fever.  He thought about the money in his pocket.  He had about fourteen dollars left.  He’d found a cheap hotel that only charged eight dollars a night but one night alone would nearly break him.  He turned the next corner.  There were a couple of bars on this street, some offices and a couple of coffee shops and a restaurant.  He contemplated getting a cup of coffee.  He was hungry and cold but he debated spending the money.  With a sigh he knew he could do without the coffee.  He continued walking and then noticed a Help Wanted sign in the window of the restaurant.  Hope flared briefly and he stepped inside.

Blair sat quietly in the corner of the busy kitchen savoring the heat and taste of the cup of coffee he’d been given.  His shift would start at six and he’d wash dishes until eleven.  The owner, Georges Del Turco, would give him thirty dollars a night cash as long as he did a good job.  It wasn’t a lot but in two nights he’d have enough to rent a room at the hotel he’d found earlier.  They charged fifty a week if you paid up front.  Blair finished his coffee just as the owner called for him.

“Yacob!”  

“Yes, M-Mr. Del T-T-Turco.”  Blair was going by Jacob McKay and he liked the way his new boss pronounced his first name.

“You start here.  You wear a hat, that thing okay,” Georges pointed to Blair’s beanie.  Once he was done showing Blair where everything was he hustled off to talk to the cooks.  Dishwasher was one of many jobs Blair had held while attending school, so this was nothing new.  He started in.

It was his third night and already Blair wondered if he could continue.  His back was killing him and he now knew that he was running a fever but he couldn’t afford to lose this job.  On top of that, the insomnia and nightmares made it impossible to rest.  And still he had no choice but to keep working and hope that his back would heal.  A black wave seemed to come down over his eyes but he was at the point where he wasn’t really sure if it was emotional or physical.  He wondered idly if he was going to pass out.  Instead the wave passed leaving only a hint of nausea in its wake.  With a deep breath he pulled the spigot towards him to rinse the sink full of dishes he’d just finished.  Just then Artie, the busboy, brought another tray.

“Busy tonight, Jake.  But you’re keeping up pretty good.  Oh, and heads up, Georgie Jr. is in tonight.”

He elaborated at Blair’s questioning look.

“The kid’s in junior college but acts like he’s in Harvard or somethin’.  He’s not a bad kid or anything, but he knows he’s the boss’ son, right?  Anyway, don’t let him mess with you.  Oh, and Mikey’s in tonight, too.  You meet him, yet?”  At Blair’s nod Artie smiled some more.  “Yeah, he’s a cute kid.  Got all the charm that Junior missed out on.”  The last was said in a whisper as Artie’s name was called.  Marie stuck her head in to tell Artie a cleanup was needed on table three.

Artie nodded and slapped Blair on the back on his way out.  Marie came running when she saw Blair nearly fall over from the pain.

“Oh, Jake, you okay?   What’s the matter?”  Marie rushed over to Blair who was panting from the pain.  “Jake, boy you’re runnin’ a fever there.  Don’t let Georges know that…can’t have no sick guys working in the kitchen, you know?”

Blair blinked back the tears that pricked at his eyes.  “No, M-Marie…I’m n-not sick.  In-infected cut, m-my b-b-back.”  Blair pointed to his shoulder.

“Oh, that’s not good.  You know there’s a free clinic over on Sixth, right?  Maybe they can hook you up with some medicine or something.  You gonna make it tonight?”

“Marie…order up on six!”  Marie turned at the call but turned back to Blair with concern in her eyes. 

“I’m o-o-kay, th-thanks…go!”  Blair gave her a smile to let her know he was okay.  She smiled back and rushed out of the kitchen.

Blair turned back and took a deep breath to steady himself.  He still had three hours to go and wondered if he really would make it.

Later that night Blair dragged himself up to his room.  It wasn’t much, but it was better than anything he’d had so far.  He’d spent the first night in town at a homeless shelter. He’d slept intermittently, constantly awakened from a light doze by the rustling and mumbling of the other men in the large room.  The next day he’d found this job and had paid for one night at the hotel.  Yesterday was his first day on the job.  He took that money and paid for three more nights.  That had left him enough money to buy a toothbrush, some toothpaste, a small bottle of shampoo and a bar of soap.  Now he had an extra thirty dollars in his pocket and directions to a free clinic so that he could get his back looked at.  With that plan in mind he took off his clothes and folded them on the chair and then crawled under the thin cover of his bed.  He was shivering and had found out that the heat was sometimes a questionable thing here and it felt like it was out for the night.  Curling up into a tighter ball, Blair went to sleep.

It didn’t take long before the nightmares began.  He was awakened by the sound of someone pounding on his wall and yelling at him to be quiet.  He rolled onto his back but had to bite back a yelp when burning pain streaked across his shoulder.  Blair jerked back over onto his side.  His room was lit by the shine of neon that the thin curtain couldn’t keep out.  He looked around himself, amazed again at how his life had changed…and it was all his own stupid fault.  The pang of self-pity brought the sting of tears to his eyes.  He struggled to sit up and then wiped his hands over his face to dispel the tears.

He eyed his room which consisted of a metal framed bed with a thin, stained mattress.  Blair had inspected both sides to see which of the two was the least offensive.  Next to the bed was a wooden chair and against the other wall there was a small chest of drawers.  And that was the extent of the dump he now called home.  God, he never would have believed that he’d be headed down a road like this.  But here he was.  At least the water in the bathroom seemed to keep a decent temperature and Blair had luxuriated in the warm shower despite the pain in his back.  He hadn’t had any soap that first night, but the water alone had been heavenly.  It had been his first shower since being at Lee’s place.  He contemplated taking another shower, but knew he’d then be dealing with pounding at his door as well as on his wall for making so much noise.  God, he was so tired and he bit back the sob that threatened to tear its way out of his throat.  It took a few moments, but Blair finally pushed away the despair.  He simply had no energy for it.  Blair leaned back and rolled carefully over onto his other side.  With his back to the window he was able to finally fall asleep.

The next day Blair carefully washed. He pulled his fingers through his matted curls since he’d forgotten to buy a comb when he’d made his other purchases.  He stared at the face in the cracked mirror over the sink.  He looked like a complete stranger to himself.  His face was gaunt and pale, highlighted by the two spots of color over his stubbled cheeks.  His eyes were shadowed and he wondered briefly why Georges hired him.  He certainly didn’t look like someone who’d make a reliable employee.  He rubbed a hand over his face again.  He shouldn’t be questioning the only bit of good luck he’d had lately.  Running his fingers through his curls again Blair decided that at the first opportunity he was going to cut it off.  That should help change his looks even more because the last thing Blair wanted was to attract any more attention from other men.  Men tended to hurt you.

 

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

Jim rolled over at the ringing of his cell phone.  He looked at the time as he picked it up and realized that he’d only been asleep about three hours.  He’d had another bad night, his hearing spiking so badly that he thought he could hear every other person in the whole building breathing in one great cacophonous rush of air.  It was like trying to sleep in a wind tunnel.  Eventually, the spike had dropped and he fell asleep uncaring if his hearing was back to normal or if he was completely deaf.  

_Well, you heard the phone ringing so you’re not deaf,_ he told himself although it was little consolation.

“Ellison.”

“Jim, were you still asleep?”  

“Yeah, Simon, late night.  What’s happening?”

“I got the lab results back on those blood samples.  They’re all Sandburg’s.”

“Yeah, we figured as much.”

“Where are you now?”

“I’m in Hudsonville.  I think he jumped onto a truck and may have headed either this way or to Riverton.”

“That’s a long shot, Jim.  Are the local cops helping out?  What about Niles?”

Jim rubbed a hand across his eyes.  They felt like someone had dumped a shovel full of sand into them.  “I hired a private detective to help me out…he’s working Riverton.  I’ve talked to the locals, but they don’t seem too interested in helping out, and no, I haven’t heard from Niles.”

“I’ll see what I can do about stirring up some interest in both Hudsonville and Riverton.  I’ve been talking to Niles’ boss.  Seems he’s not too keen on his agents losing Blair like that, especially since Niles still thinks Shaw is after him.  I think the local LEOs will respond to some FBI pressure.”

Jim smiled at that, appreciating any bit of help he could get but the smile dropped quickly at Simon’s next words.

“Jim, there’s something else you should know.  It won’t help you find Blair, but when you do get him, you need to get him in for medical care.”

Jim wondered at Simon’s use of Blair’s name.  Instead of using Sandburg, Simon had called him by his first name…twice.

“What is it, Simon?”

“Tests came back from those freaks that held Blair.  Jim, every member of that family had syphilis.  The father was in last stage which affected his mind.  The mother’s not much better off.”

“Oh my god…”

“Yeah.  After all the interviews it turns out the two brothers got it when they raped their sister…after she was raped by her father.  It seems they’d all been raping her for years.  I suppose if the father had been dead she’d have kicked him, too.  She was probably too afraid to do anything while he’s alive.”

“Simon, we think the brothers raped Blair…”

“Yeah, Jim, I know.  You need to find him and bring him home.”

“Whatever help you can get me, you got that, Simon?”

“Yeah, Jim.  You got it.”

Jim hung up and rolled over onto the bed sickened again at what Blair had gone through, sickened also for that girl.  _Crazy in-bred syphilitic bastards…_   Jim scrubbed the tears out of his eyes.  He had no time for that now…he needed to find Blair.

\---------------------------------

Blair sat in the treatment room as the nurse cleaned up the wounds on his back.  The doctor had given him a couple of shots, one for pain and the other a strong antibiotic.  He’d also given Blair some pills that he was to take for the next fourteen days, again for pain and to fight the infection in his back.  As it turned out it wasn’t the whip marks that were infected, nor was it the rectal damage.  Instead it had been the bites on his ass and shoulder.  From the man who said he was going to buy Blair from Lee.  The one the FBI had called Shaw.  He shuddered as he thought again about what he’d escaped.  It was over and done with, but the doctor had tried to get Blair to report the rape.  Blair had obfuscated like mad to get the doctor to believe it had been consensual sex that had gotten out of hand.  The doctor had finally left, the faint hint of disgust in his eyes just a shadow to the disgust Blair felt for himself.

“There you go, Mr. McKay.  You’ll need to change the dressing on that every day.  Here’s some cream and bandages, enough for three days.  Then you’ll need to come back so that we can take a look and make sure the infection is going away, alright?”  

Blair nodded, his thoughts on a small pair of scissors the nurse had used while applying the bandages to his back.  He could cut his hair with those scissors.

“When you come back we can give you the results from the blood we drew.  We’ll be doing a standard STD panel as well as looking for any other problems that might be related to your infection.”

The nurse, her shiny blue nametag announcing Cindy Meyers, R.N., came and stood in front of Blair.

“You know, Mr. McKay, that this is a free clinic.  We have to work hard for all of our supplies here so if really wouldn’t be fair to other patients if our supplies get taken, would it?”  

She put her hand out for the scissors and watched the blush creep up Mr. McKay’s cheeks when he gave them to her.

“I’m s-s-sorry…”  Blair whispered, shame thickening his voice.  

“Maybe you could tell me what you needed them for.  If there’s something I can do to help you, you just need to ask…”

“I w-w-wanted to c-cut my ha-hair.”

Cindy looked at the thick matted curls in dismay.  Despite their current condition she could tell that he really had beautiful hair, thick and curly and a wonderful color.  In fact, she’d initially wondered at the fact that he had no other body hair when the hair on his head and face was so thick.  But then she’d remembered the nature of his injuries and felt herself blush a bit.  It wasn’t her business what her patients did in their private lives.

“Well, I’m afraid these are a bit small to do a very good job and the only other thing I have is the clippers to shave off hair…”  She paused at the hopeful look in those blue, blue eyes.  “You want me to shave off your hair?”

Blair nodded vigorously.  

_No money, no ID, abused…Mr. McKay is running away from someone and wants to change how he looks…_    Understanding flooded through her.  If he wanted to hide from whoever did this to him, well then she’d do what she could to help.

“Alright then…”

After leaving the clinic Blair bought a sandwich and then went back to his room.   He ate and took two of his pills.  Rinsing his hands in the water he again looked at his reflection in the mirror and ran a hand over his newly shaved head.  Between that and the beard he was growing he looked completely different than he had a few days ago.  It made him feel a bit more secure.  Satisfied he laid down for a quick nap before work. 

 

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

Several days later Jim slammed the phone down on the bed which was completely unsatisfying but did save him from having to buy a new cell phone.  There was still nothing from Sam Barnes, the PI, and not a word from Niles.  He dropped his head into his hands, digging his elbows into his thighs as he did so.  The pain seemed to center him somewhat.  And his bony elbows served to remind him about how much weight he’d lost, not that he really cared, but he really didn’t need another ass-chewing like the one Simon had given him the day before.  

The fact was that most days he simply couldn’t eat.  Not only was his stomach a solid knot of tension, but more often than not every time he did eat the flavors exploded across his tongue so intensely it felt like acid eating away at him.  It was incredibly painful.  One time his taste buds were so mixed up it was like eating pure sugar so he forced the food down anyway only to throw everything up an hour later.  Even plain bread didn’t cut it.  The yeast made everything taste like a garbage can.  Right now he was existing on unleavened crackers and water with the occasional banana thrown in when he could tolerate it.  God, he needed to find Blair before he was so incapacitated that he ended up in the hospital on a feeding tube.  And Simon sure as hell drilled that into his head.  But there wasn’t much either of them could do about the nightmares.  He shuddered as a memory flooded through him…

_It wasn’t the lush blue jungle he’d become accustomed to seeing in his dreams.  This place was harsh, the undergrowth thick and dry as though whatever water source it had known upon its initial growth had dried away leaving the plant life and earth desiccated and brittle.  The panther pushed its nose into the brambles only to pull back when sharp thorns pierced the tender skin of its nose.  It sat back on its haunches, thin and tired, its once sleek black coat stiff with dust.  This latest barrier seemed to leach away what little strength the panther had left and it decides it must rest for a bit before continuing.  There is no time for more, the need is urgent and it must answer the call for help.  It rested for a moment, lying down in the dirt to place its massive head across its paws.  A short time later a slight noise to the left caused the eyes to open to a slit.  A small rodent, also thin and dehydrated, was making a final effort in search of sustenance only to stumble out of the brush almost directly in front of the large cat._

_In a somewhat slow and clumsy arc a large paw dropped down on the small body, pinning it to the earth.  The panther leaned in to sniff, the urge to let the rodent go just to trap it again in play melted away by hunger.  With a quick bite the rodent is dead but just as the panther begins to tear at the flesh of its kill, its mouth is savaged with a million burning pincers as army ants erupt in impossible numbers from the tiny body.  It throws itself backwards in an effort to escape the burning bites that rip deeply into its flesh.  The panther screeches in pain as it rolls away, writhing in the dirt in its efforts to dislodge the horrid swarm._

_It succeeds, finally, and is able to drag itself away, fur hanging in bloodied strips as it struggles to get through the thorny barrier.  At that moment the panther again hears the call that stirs its blood.  Its mate is howling in pain and despair on the other side of the barrier.  The panther must answer, somehow knowing that the wolf is at the mercy of hunters, their sharp spears scoring gashes in the thick fur.  The panther struggles on despite its own pain and fatigue, maddened by the cries of hurt and misery surrounding it, its own anguish echoing its mates as it weakens in its struggles…_

Jim always woke up from these nightmares with tears streaming down his face, unable to calm down for hours afterwards.  Simon had been witness to Jim’s nightmares when he’d joined him but there was nothing he could do except to help find Blair.  So he took leave to aid in the search and together they’d covered just about every place in Hudsonville.  Now Jim was going to meet with Sam Barnes to hit whatever they’d missed in Riverton while Simon returned to Cascade.  As much as Jim hated to see him leave he couldn’t blame the man.  Blair’s disappearance hadn’t halted the other shit going down in the ‘Great City’.  Jim stood up and stretched and then reached for his bag.  Time to go to Riverton.

\------------------------------

Blair was tired.  His back hurt from sitting out in the cold all day chipping concrete from used bricks.  It was already the end of October and he was freezing.  He was always freezing except when he washed dishes.  He shuddered at the thought of working in the cold in the coming months, but he’d do it.  The second job at the salvage company had come because Mr. Del Turco was impressed with Blair’s work ethic.  He’d recommended him to his brother, Salvatore, who was always complaining about not finding decent help to handle the monotonous work for the small amount of pay he offered.  But Blair didn’t care about that.  It earned him some more money which helped him buy some luxuries, like the black plastic framed reading glasses he’d gotten from the drug store.  They weren’t prescription but they really helped him read the paperbacks he was able to get from the lending library.  Except for the headaches he’d get when he tried to read too much, he could almost say that he was content.  He was able to buy a second pair of pants and a couple more shirts.  Not too much, though.  He tried not to get more than what would fit in his backpack.  He always carried all of his possessions not only because he wasn’t sure if he would have to run at a moment’s notice, but also because he didn’t trust any of the other tenants at the hotel.  He was sure there’d been someone in his room who’d gone through his things more than once.

He stretched the muscles in his back, grateful that the infected wounds had healed.  And not just the wounds had healed.  Blair had been horrified when he’d returned to the clinic for follow-up only to find out that he’d been infected with syphilis during one of his rapes, and he suspected it was the last one.  He’d gotten another shot of a slightly different but stronger antibiotic which they’d said would cure it, but he wasn’t sure.  Intellectually he understood that the medical regime was simple.  Emotionally it was another thing.  And when they’d asked him when he’d been infected, well, he simply couldn’t answer that.  He assumed that Lee would have kept a clean house and he thought that all the customers had worn condoms, but he really wasn’t sure.  The drugs they’d given him had left him pretty fuzzy.  He knew the freaks had taken him bareback.  But either way he was told it was still early enough in the progress of the disease that he’d have no aftereffects, no lasting problems.  Well, physically maybe, but inside of his head, despite all of his knowledge, he still felt dirty.  He felt diseased and not worthy to be around good people.  Good people like his co-workers.  Like Jim.  He dropped his head, kicking himself again for letting his mind go to those places that caused him so much pain.  _Get it together, Blair.  There’s nothing but pain down that path and you’ve got work to do._

At his night job, Blair shook his head and cursed himself again as he continued to try and get his mind away from thoughts of his past.  He looked up at the clock.  His break was coming up soon and he’d promised to help Mikey with his homework.  Blair really liked his bosses’ younger son and he really missed teaching.  Although the older son, Georges Jr., wasn’t that bad, Blair really didn’t need to hear anymore put downs because of his stuttering or the fact that he was washing dishes for a living.  Junior had decided that the only decent way for a man to make a living was to go to college and get a good job.  Everyone else was just a loser.

“Hi, Jake!”  Mikey called as he came into the kitchen.

Blair turned at the call and gave the kid a big smile.  Things were slow enough at this time that Blair could take a break and since the cooks had decided that Blair was too thin, they’d slip him a little something to eat.  He pulled off his cap and tucked it into his back pocket and ran a hand over his head.  He still wasn’t used to the short bristles.  His hand automatically moved to scratch at his beard.  He hated it, but it did change his appearance.  He pulled his glasses out of his pocket and set them on the table so that he could help Mikey with his homework.

“Hi, M-M-Mikey.”  Blair smiled as he sat down across from the youngest Del Turco just as one of the cooks slid a plate in front of him.  He smiled his thanks but his smile faded when he saw Mikey stop smiling.  Then he heard the reason why.

“H-H-Hi, M-M-M-M-Mikey!”  Georges Jr. mimicked Blair as he laughed cruelly.  

Blair said nothing as he bent his head and concentrated on his food.

“So what are you boys doing, huh?  Hey, J-J-J-Ja-c-cob, does my father know you’re eating into his profits?”  

Junior made a grab as though to take Blair’s food but Blair pulled his dish out of reach, his eyes flashing his annoyance.

“Leave him alone, George!  Papa knows and lets him eat.  Jake’s helping me with my homework!”

“Helping you?  What the hell does he know about anything?  He washes dishes, kid! What kind of job is that for a full-gown man.”  Turning to Blair he sneered.  “You are full-grown, aren’t you, Jake?  I mean you got the beard and all, but you’re still awful short.  You sure you’re full-grown?”

Blair said nothing and concentrated on eating his food as quickly as possible.  It didn’t look like he was going to be able to help Mikey today after all.

“George…!”  Mikey began just as Marie came into the kitchen.

“There you are, George.  Your father’s lookin’ for ya’.  Better get out there.”  Marie came in and paused as though waiting for George to argue, but one sharp-eyed look from the older woman had Junior scowling as he left.  

Once the door closed Mikey turned to her.  “Did Papa really call him?”

“Naw, I just wanted a break and I can’t get comfortable with him hanging around.”  She smiled conspiratorially at Mikey and then all three, Blair included, broke into laughter.  “Besides, Mikey, I’ve got another couple of jokes for you.”

Excited about Halloween, Mikey had been collecting puns to share with his friends.  Blair had been more than happy to share the ones he’d remembered from his own childhood.  He looked at the dark head that bent over a piece of paper to write down the puns so that he’d be sure to get them right when he told his buddies.  

When he was about six Naomi had left him with some friends.  They had a set of twins about Blair’s age, but as what often happened with twins they relied solely on one another for company and together teased Blair about his stutter.  Blair had retreated into silence rather than suffer the continued harassment.  Fortunately, the family also lived with the children’s grandfather, a kindly man who’d taken the quiet boy under his wing.  Blair never forgot the old man’s pleasure the first time he’d laughed at one of the many puns the older gentleman told.  From that point on they’d made it a habit to come up with new puns every day.  Blair still remembered him with great fondness.  He was drawn from his recollection at Marie’s pun.

“Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?”

Mikey looked at her intently, trying to figure out the answer on his own but finally gave up.

“Because he had no guts!”  Marie responded merrily.  They all laughed and then Marie continued.

“How does a girl vampire flirt?”

Blair had heard this one before but he waited patiently for Mikey to try and answer.  When Mikey finally gave up Blair jumped in with the answer.

“She b-b-bats h-her eyes.”

Mike and Marie both gave him brilliant smiles which made Blair duck his head as he blushed.

The laughter flowed freely as the puns continued.  Blair realized that any help Mikey needed with his homework would have to wait until later while he worked.

“Why d-don’t ske-letons go t-trick or treating?”

“Because they don’t have any _body_ to go out with!”  This time Mikey gleefully shouted out the answer along with several comments to Marie.  “Get it, Marie?  Do you get it?”  

Mikey was ecstatic.  Jake was talking more than he ever did and now that he was laughing Mikey kind of thought that his stutter was a little less than before.

Blair had one more to add and then he needed to get back to work.

“How do you f-fix a j-jack o’lantern?”

Mikey tipped his head to one side and then finally gave up.   Marie jumped in with the answer this time.

“With a pumpkin patch!”

Again they all laughed, with Blair and Marie laughing mostly at Mikey’s pure joy in the simple puns.  Just as Blair got up to get back Marie piped in that she had one more.  Nodding graciously, Blair sat back down. 

“What did the trick or treat bucket say to the candy?”

Mikey just shook his head and Blair smiled at him.

“Hi sweet thing.”

Mikey started laughing and Marie joined him.  Neither of them noticed the color drain from Blair’s face.  They turned only when he jerked to his feet, back pedaling in shock.

“Jake, what’s wrong…?”  Marie stared in surprise.  Jake was so pale his beard stood out in start relief.

“I-I-I’ve g-g-got…w-w-work…”  Blair was stuttering so badly he could barely get the words out.  _They didn’t know, they couldn’t know…just a coincidence…there’s no way…they can’t know…_   Blair’s thoughts whirled round and round as he finally made it to the sink and held on, his fingers white against the stainless steel tub.  

He was gasping as Marie reached him, holding on to his shoulders because she was afraid he was going to pass out.  Mikey, in his fear, ran to get his father.

The next thing he knew, Blair was sitting with his head being forced down between his legs, a firm hand holding him by the back of his neck.

“Yacob!  Yacob, you okay, Yacob?”  Georges Sr. alternated between holding Blair’s head and patting him on the back.

“I’m…I’m  o-okay, M-M-Mr. Del T-T-Turco.  I’m o-o-okay…”  

“Wha’ happen’?  Why you faint, Yacob?” 

Blair looked up to the concerned brown eyes and felt shame.  It was just a pun.  He shouldn’t have reacted like that.  Now they’ll think there’s something wrong with him…maybe lose his job…  Blair forced himself to stop that line of thinking.  He couldn’t afford to let the panic attack take over again.  He made himself breathe deeply and rhythmically, forcing his body to relax.

“S-sorry, j-just choked…p-panicked…I’m o-okay.”  Blair insisted for the third time.  

“Are you sure, Jake?  I’m really sorry…”

Blair raised his hands in a placating gesture.  “I’m s-s-sure.”  

At that moment Mikey rushed forward and threw himself into Blair’s arms.  

Taking a deep breath Blair brought his arms around the small quaking body.  “It’s o-okay, M-Mikey…”  Blair pushed him upright and rubbed his hands up and down Mikey’s arms and Mikey gave him a tentative smile which Blair returned.

“Okay, now, back to work everybody…”  Georges Sr. said waving everyone back.  Turning back to Blair he double-checked.  “You okay to work, Yacob?”

Blair nodded and stood to prove it.  With a couple more reassurances to Mikey and his father, Blair returned to work.

 

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

Sam Barnes slid the picture of Blair Sandburg back into his wallet.  He’d finally hit pay dirt at the south side free clinic, the third he’d visited since hitting Riverton.  He couldn’t get a name without a warrant but he’d just have to call Ellison for that.  What he did have was a look of recognition from one of the nurses and a doctor.  What he hadn’t bargained for was how quickly they’d shut down, as though they were going to help Sandburg keep hiding.  What had it been about the kid in the picture that had elicited such protective feelings?   Ellison and his Captain sure wanted to find him.  He looked down at the open, friendly look on that pretty face in the picture. The kid no doubt had a way about him that sure pulled on some heartstrings.   He could only hope that whatever help Ellison could get for the kid once he got him back worked.  He’d seen some drastic changes in people after trauma and from what he’d heard from Ellison, this kid and gone through some major shit, so the sooner he found him, the better.

His stomach grumbled and he knew he needed to eat since he’d missed breakfast.  He could never understand how he’d developed such a gut when he always skipped meals, living more on black coffee than anything else.  He refused to consider the beers or scotch he drank in copious amounts as having anything to do with his expanding physique.  Again he promised himself that he’d try to eat better like Laney, his sometime secretary, was always on his case about.  

He kept walking down the street, trying to get a feel for the place.  Sandburg had visited the local clinic, probably more than once if the description of his injuries was anything to go by.  He eyed the neighborhood he was in and felt hopeful.  From experience it look exactly like the type of place people could get lost in but without losing themselves completely.  Every city had them whether they acknowledged them or not.  He saw a restaurant, looked Italian, but he was more in the mood for a sandwich so he opted for one of the coffee shops.   Yeah, this part of town would be more likely than some of the other parts that were nothing but dead ends.  Sandburg would be trying to get a leg up, not biding time until he was done in and that’s what this neighborhood was…like it was just staying to the right of dead end. 

Sam finished a halfway decent pastrami on rye and decided to check out the local hotels.  Now that he knew Sandburg was here somewhere, that’d be the next bet…a semi-permanent residence but nothing fancy.  Some run-down hotel that charged by the week for cash when they weren’t charging by the hour.  He probably wouldn’t have any ID, so everything would be on a no-questions-asked, cash-up-front basis.  And since that type of hotel didn’t exactly advertise on the web, he needed to start asking around.  

It didn’t take long.  You ask the right questions, lay out a few bucks, give some subtle threats and there you have it.   A room number at a cheap hotel for a guy named Jacob McKay that could be Ellison’s missing partner.  Jacob was Sandburg’s middle name, so it was a connection.  So now he only had to wait to see who showed up.  

Blair set aside the hammer and chisel he’d been using to clean up the bricks and got ready to eat his lunch.  He’d kept up a steady pace and had gone through quite a pile.  The boss smiled at him, his co-workers hated him, but generally they all left him alone because they thought he was mentally deficient in some way.  That suited him just fine.  He preferred silence now.  It was just easier.  Finding a quiet corner in the empty storage unit that doubled as a break room, Blair carefully pulled a paperback and the rumpled paper bag that held his sandwich and water out of his backpack.  Putting his glasses on he found the spot where he’d left off the night before and began to read while he ate.  Once he was finished he carefully marked his place in his book and then folded the paper bag for use again the next day.  He placed everything along with his plastic bottle back into his bag.  Nothing went to waste.  Hefting his pack over his shoulder, Blair returned to his spot to start on a new pile of bricks.  It was mind-numbing, but that was what he sought at this point.

He finished putting up his tools and was getting ready to leave when Sal Del Turco waved him over.   He trotted over to see what his boss needed.  

“You a good boy, Yacob.” 

Blair really loved the way both brothers pronounced his name.  “Th-thanks, M-M-Mr. Del T-T-Turco.”  

“Okay, Georges say you live up at the Georgian, yes?”  Blair nodded at the name of his hotel.

“You got no TV there, huh?”  Sal looked at the young man as he shook his head.

“Okay, I find this radio.  It’s not a TV, but its okay.  It work fine.  I put this antenna to make it work.  You want it?”  Sal demonstrated the fact that it worked by turning it on.  He’d put some batteries in it but it also had an electrical cord.  He hoped that Yacob’s room had an outlet.

Blair smiled as Sal held out an old boom box.  It was huge.  The antenna Sal had put in was actually a part of a wire hanger, but Sal turned it on and Blair could clearly hear music and news channels as Sal tuned through the stations.

Blair smiled brightly and nodded his head.  He loved to read but he really did miss listening to music and his beloved Jags games.  This was terrific.

“Th-th-thank you.  Th-this is g-g-great!”  

Sal accepted his thanks and patted Blair on the shoulder.

“Good, good.  You go home now.  Listen to rock and roll, okay?”

Blair laughed and thanked him again.  He was still smiling as he left the yard with his new prize.

 

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

Sam rubbed his eyes.  He’d been hanging out in a coffee shop for the last two hours steadily drinking down cup after cup of steaming black coffee as he read the paper and made phone calls.  Once he verified that the guy he was following was Sandburg, he’d call Ellison.  Sam looked out into the dusk and saw the city bus rumble its way through the intersection.  He knew there was a stop just around the corner.  He waited to see if anyone matching the description came around the corner and then sipped his last bit of coffee.  The waitress came by and offered more but he turned it down and reached into his pocket for a few bucks.  He had a suspicion that the man he just saw walking down the street carrying an ancient boom box just might be his boy.  

He left the coffee shop and started walking down the street hoping to get close enough to ID the man.  As he got closer he could tell that the height was right, but this man was quite a bit leaner than Sandburg’s supposed weight.  Still, he could have lost weight going through what he did.  Okay, full beard, head covered with a beanie so any long hair would be hidden.  The man walked with a quick furtive step that he figured would also be about right.  Sandburg hadn’t been on his own that long in this type of environment and hadn’t yet learned to cope.  He sure hoped this guy was Sandburg because this guy sure wouldn’t last long out here.  His fear was a palpable thing and marked him as a potential target as he hurried to the supposed safety of the dump he lived in.  _Come on, kid.  Look up._   The last thing Sam could check was eye color since the beard seriously hid the man’s face in the gloom.  Sam watched closely out of the corner of his eye as he walked purposefully by Sandburg.  No luck.  Sandburg or whoever this was, scooted towards the dubious protection of the wall without raising his head.  Sam glanced over his shoulder as he passed and watched as the guy made a dash into the hotel doorway and disappeared.  Shit.  Now it was going to be a long night watching the hotel.  Sam decided to go back to his car.  He had what he needed for a long stakeout so he might as well settle in.

Blair made it to his room and locked the door carefully behind him.  It really wasn’t obvious, but he was sure that man in the street had been looking at him and it made him nervous.  He’d have to take some extra precautions when he left to go to work tonight just in case the guy was still around.  Deciding that, he began to look around the room to see where the outlets were.  His hopes were starting to fall as he began to make the circle of the room and had yet to find one.  Well, he knew of the outlet in the base of the light fixture over the sink and he could put the radio on the back of the toilet tank so he’d still be able to listen, but that would mean a trip to the bathroom to turn it off at night.  And it was damn cold in here at night.  Sighing, he kept looking and finally found an outlet behind the bed.  That actually worked out well.  He could put the radio on the chair.  Smiling, he plugged it in and for the first time in what seemed like years, listened to the sports scores while he got ready to go back to work.  

Sam looked down at his watch.  It was only a quarter to six.  God, it was going to be a long night.  He rubbed a hand over his face and felt the growth of new beard.  He looked at his face in the rearview and noticed a couple more lines near his reddened brown eyes that he hadn’t seen before.  He lifted his face to see the rest of his reflection.  He looked like shit.  His salt and pepper stubble matched his hair, which again was in need of cutting.  Laney kept saying he didn’t take good enough care of himself, that he was going to put himself into an early grave.  But how early was early?  He was already almost sixty.  But maybe she was right.  He had enough money put away to buy a small house somewhere and he was already getting his military retirement.  Hell, that had been going straight into an investment account ever since he’d gotten out at 45.  So why was he still doing this shit?  

He had, in fact, almost told Ellison, William that is, to forget it.  He wasn’t interested in another missing person case.  But he did owe Ellison.  He had thrown a lot of work his way and since this missing person was involved with Ellison’s son Jim, he figured he really couldn’t turn it down.  And now that he’d gotten to know Jim, he was glad he was helping.  There was just something in those baby blues that said he needed Sandburg back in a powerful way.  And everyone else he’d talked to about Sandburg said that the two were pretty much inseparable.  So he’d do his best and hopefully Sandburg and Ellison would work out their problems.  

Sam stifled another yawn and then noticed some movement down the street.  It was a guy with that same quick step that said he wasn’t comfortable out in the open.  So where was this guy going?  He watched as the guy slipped into an alley next to the restaurant.  He wasn’t getting dinner…you’d go in the front door for that.  So could he have a second job there?   The fact that he was slipping out of the back of the hotel and into the alley in back of the restaurant means that the guy had been suspicious of being watched.  _So you probably blew it when you walked by him in the street, idiot.  You are definitely getting too old for this job._

He continued to watch knowing that the guy had to go home sometime.  Sure enough, at about ten minutes past eleven he saw the guy move back across the street, only this time his gait was definitely slower.  _Tired from his second job_ , he thought and then added _, so am I_.  He’d just settled in to wait out the rest of the night when his cell phone rang.  It was Ellison. 

“So you’re on stakeout?  Is this guy Blair?  Why didn’t you call me?”  Ellison shot out the questions in a rapid fire.  

“Hold on, boss.  I was going to call you once I got a better look at the guy.  He’s the right height but he’s a lot leaner.  He has a full beard and I haven’t seen his hair, keeps wearing a beanie.  It could be him, but I haven’t seen him clearly enough to make an ID.  He just came out of what I think is his second job working in a restaurant.  He’s back in his hotel now.  I’ll get a better look at him tomorrow, though.  I’m hanging back with this one…he acts spooked”

“Spooked?  He’s scared?  Yeah, of course he’s scared.”  Jim took in and then let out a calming breath.  “Have you got a name?”

“Jacob McKay.”

“That’s him!”  Jim practically shouted the words which made Sam grimace as he pulled the cell phone away from his ear.  _Shit!_

“Jacob is Blair’s middle name, you know that, but McKay was the name he used when I first met him…he was pretending to be a doctor…yeah, long story.  Anyway, give me the address of the hotel.  I’ll be there in a few hours.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile at the elation in that voice…elation and determination.  He was looking forward to seeing these two men meet.  

Jim yawned as he drove through the night, his exhaustion beginning to catch up to him.  But he was so close!  He could almost feel Blair near.  Afraid he’d fall asleep at the wheel he reached over and turned up the radio, smiling as a Santana tune came on.  He’d dialed his senses down to normal awhile ago, his fear of zoning too strong to even attempt using them so he never heard anyone near his truck, never heard when he placed the tracking device.  Jim drove, singing along to the old favorite, hopeful for the first time in way too long.  

\---------------------------------

 Jim parked his truck around the corner from where Sam said he’d be waiting.  He didn’t want Blair to see the truck and recognize it.  Walking around the corner Jim spotted Sam sitting in beat-up car that had to be at least fifteen years old.  It was definitely forgettable and therefore the perfect car for this type of neighborhood.  Sam raised a Styrofoam cup in acknowledgement of Jim’s presence and went back to watching the salvage yard down the street.  Jim slipped into the car next to him and Sam silently handed him a pair of binoculars.  

“Dark brown jacket, beard.”

Jim looked through the binoculars afraid at first to use his senses but then, unable to help himself, he dropped them slightly and dialed up his sight.  It was Blair.  A thin, bearded and unhappy looking Blair that looked off into the distance for a moment.  Jim felt his chest tighten and he fought to keep the tears back.  Blair dipped his head and resumed chipping away at the cement that caked the brick he was working on.

“He’s a _brilliant_ anthropologist…”  Jim couldn’t finish, his words lost in the sob he choked back.  Blinking away the sudden tears he again used his sight to drink in the features of his partner.  Tacking his hearing onto his sight helped him focus in on Blair’s heartbeat.  It was like pouring a soothing balm on his aching soul.  He let that beat sink into his own chest and was momentarily lost.

Sam understood immediately what Jim was saying, a brilliant mind locked into that mundane task for hours on end.  There was no way Sandburg would be able to handle that job for long without going crazy.  And they’d make sure he wouldn’t have to.  But Sam also understood something else.  He understood the moment that he’d seen Ellison drop the binoculars to see Sandburg with his own eyes just what it was that Sandburg had given up when he turned his back on the world of academia…he’d given up his Sentinel.

Sam said nothing for a moment as he tried to digest the fact that the man next to him was a bonafide Sentinel, exactly what Sandburg had claimed he wasn’t in order to protect him.  And just what was between them as Sentinel and Guide Sam didn’t know, but for sure it was friendship and from Jim’s behavior, possibly more.

“Can I make a suggestion here, boss?”  Sam waited for a moment until the clearly struggling man next to him settled down a bit.  When Jim didn’t answer he tried again only to continue to receive the silent treatment.  “Jim, are you okay?”

Ellison sat rock still, his eyes locked on to the distant figure.  He seemed to be in some kind of catatonic state and Sam was at a loss for a moment.  It had to be something to do with this Sentinel stuff.  This time he reached out and touched the man’s shoulder with no result.  He pushed a little and then a little more.  A moment later he was shaking the shoulder and practically yelling into Jim’s ear.

“What?”  Jim suddenly croaked next to him, his voice thick with emotion.

“Boss, are you okay?  Man, you were really gone there for a bit.  I don’t mind telling you, it was kind of spooky.  You get these seizures often?”

Jim dropped his head and ran his hand over his eyes.  He knew that he’d zoned a bit on the sound of Blair’s heartbeat but he was fine, now.  In fact, he was better than he’d been in awhile.  

“Sorry about that…I’m fine, okay?  What were you saying?”

Sam looked at him for a bit and realized that yeah, maybe he did look just a bit better, but not by much.  Still, it was better than nothing.  “I was about to make a suggestion.  I’m thinking that you should talk to him tonight at his other job…”  He put up a hand at the immediate argument.  “This place is too open.  Look at the fence line…all those storage containers…the kid could bolt and we’d be stuck chasing him down.  But at the restaurant, one door in, one door out…just an overall better situation to control, you know what I mean?”

Jim took a deep breath and nodded.  Sam was right.  And judging from their last encounter, Blair probably would try to get away again.  Jim struggled to fight down the pain that thought caused.

“Okay, tonight.”    But Ellison made no move to get out of the car.  If anything, it looked like he was settling in for the duration, his attention totally focused on the small man they watched.  

_Yeah,_ Sam thought, _these guys need to fix whatever’s between them because this situation with them apart is just no good._

 

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

Blair made his way into the restaurant from the back alley.  He hadn’t seen that man again, but he didn’t want to take any chances.  He put his backpack down next to the coat rack by the back door and got his rubber apron.  He nodded and waved at the greetings called out by the cook and his helper as he moved the nearest stack of lunch dishes into position, his cold, achy body already relishing the steamy heat of the kitchen.  

He was deep into his rhythm of rinsing and stacking the dishes into the dishwasher racks so he didn’t hear the cooks questioning the arrival of a stranger in the kitchen, but awareness seemed to tingle at the back of his neck and he turned around.  His eyes widened and a smile threatened to break out across his bearded face when he saw who the stranger was but then he remembered just who and what he was.   The look of welcome changed to one of despair and fear as he backed away from the beloved figure of Jim Ellison.

“Blair, please don’t run…please!  Just talk to me for a minute, okay, Chief?”  Jim stretched out his hands in supplication as he begged.  

Blair looked around him frantically seeing the two cooks standing and watching but not moving.  Then Blair’s eyes caught the figure of the man from the night before standing just outside of the kitchen door watching the cooks but who kept his back to Blair as though to grant privacy for this meeting.  And Jim stood between him and the back door.  He was trapped.

“N-n-no, J-Jim!  I c-c-can’t…”  Blair struggled to get the words out but his throat squeezed tight as he fought to breathe.  There was no way he could go back, he’d already ruined everything for Jim and going back would make it worse.  Frustrated tears finally leaked out of his eyes and he reached up with his hands as though to grab at the hair that was no longer there, finding instead the knit cap he wore.  He pulled that off and wrung it in his hands, unable to speak, unable to move and yet desperate to do both.  He saw Jim’s eyes widen in dismay at his shorn head and felt immediate shame.  He’d fucked up again, done something stupid.  His breathing came in short gasps as he fought back the impending panic attack and he bent over, turning away silently as he tried to control himself, tried to figure out what to do.

“Blair…”  

Blair felt the strong hands as they touched his shoulders and without thought he whirled around and swung hard.  He saw Jim go down but he wasted no time.  Reaching behind Jim’s back he found the cuffs and quickly got one around Jim’s wrist and the fastened the other to the pipe that ran under the sink.  He then got the key and tossed it across the kitchen.  Looking over his shoulder he saw Georges arguing with the man at the door.  It gave him time.  He ripped off the apron and grabbed his coat and backpack.  He looked back at Jim who was coming to, hoping he’d be okay.  With a final look at the cooks he ran out the back door, whispering his apologies to Jim in a Sentinel-low voice.

Jim lifted his head and groaned which only intensified the buzz in his head.  He tried to bring a hand to his face and found that it was secured to the piping under the sink.  He groaned louder.  Sandburg sure packed one hell of a punch.  With his free hand he felt behind him even though he knew his cuff key was gone.  

“Sam!”  No answer.  He looked around and then realized that part of the noise he was hearing was Sam arguing with someone, someone who said the police had been called.  Great.  He listened for Blair and then focused on his voice…he was apologizing and saying he was no good for Jim.  Damnit!  He was running again.  He looked up and saw a couple of cooks glaring at him from the other side of the kitchen.  He needed to get loose and go after Blair but it looked like they’d be no help.  He was about to call again when someone kicked him in the ribs.  It was a little boy with angry tears rolling down his face.  He caught a few of the words he muttered.

“You made him go away!  He’s my friend!”  

Jim again called out to Sam as he tried to protect his ribs.  The kid kicked like a mule.  Suddenly the kid was pulled away and Sam knelt down next to him.  Fortunately he had a key.

“Oh, Mikey, no, no…it’s okay.  Yacob, he be okay…”  

While Sam released him, Jim watched the man hold the boy and comfort him.  It looked like Blair had friends here and he was glad for that.  But now Sam was talking to him and he could hear sirens.  Shit.

“Go, Jim…he turned left and ran out of the alley.  I’ll take care of the cops…”

Jim caught the last bit as he ran out of the door, turning left and dialing up his hearing.  Scanning slightly he finally zeroed in on Blair’s heartbeat…a pounding sound that called to him like no other.  He ran towards the sound and then realized that the beat had changed…it was panicked.  Fear shot through him as he turned a corner at full speed, slipping slightly in a puddle of water.  He dropped one hand down to steady himself but straightened only to see a man bundling his tied and gagged Guide into the trunk of a car.  The man turned and lifted a gun.  Jim threw himself to the side while reaching for his own gun.  He was still moving when he heard the sharp crack of a shot and then he was down and tumbling.   He got to one knee and returned fire, being careful to aim high and not hit the trunk, but the man ducked and dove into the car and pulled away with tires squealing.  Jim moved to run after it but at that moment realized that he’d been hit, the bullet having grazed his left thigh and the burning pain just now making it known.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck…Blair!_   The thought screamed through his mind as he watched the car turn the corner.  He pulled his cell to call Sam so they could follow despite knowing it would take too long.  Blair was gone.  He cursed himself over and over as he hobbled back.  Suddenly a car screeched around the corner and came to a stop beside him.  The window dropped.

“Get in!”

It was Niles and she’d never looked more beautiful to him than at that moment.  Opening the door he threw himself across the front seat and they were off in pursuit.   The moment Shaw spotted them was obvious.   His sedate speed suddenly jumped but Niles kept him in sight.  She picked up the radio and told whoever was at the other end that she was in pursuit of the suspect vehicle.  She handed the radio to Jim because she needed both hands to take the next turn.  

Jim looked at her with his eyebrows raised.

“Local LEOs.”

Jim nodded and proceeded to transmit the vehicle description and plate number as well as their current location to the local law enforcement officers.   

“So where the hell did you come from?”

“I’ve been following you.  I figured Shaw would be following, too, waiting for you to find Sandburg.  I had a hunch he wasn’t ready to let Sandburg go.”

“You bitch!  You used me to draw Shaw out into the open and it never occurred to you to let me in on your little plan?”  Anger and disgust flared from the icy blue eyes.  

Jim watched as Shaw suddenly turned to the left through an alley.  A moment later Niles took the same left.  Jim picked up the radio to transmit the new direction.  He saw the flash of other pursuit vehicles paralleling them as they followed Shaw.

Niles just looked at him and shrugged.  “It worked, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it worked.  But you sat back and watched while Blair was taken by that bastard again.  You didn’t give a shit what it would do to him to be back in his power.”

Niles said nothing for a moment.  Ellison was right.  She never stopped to think about Sandburg’s mental state.  She’d just done whatever she could to get to Shaw.  

“Look, if it’s any consolation, Shaw would never have gotten far.   I had the local cops backing me up ever since I hit town.  I just didn’t tell you because I couldn’t take the chance that Shaw would figure out you knew about him.”

Jim was furious but clamped his mouth shut on what he wanted to say.  Shaw pulled away from the alley he’d been following and drove down a one-way street.  It was too narrow to come up on the side.  But suddenly the buildings ended and the police cars pulled up alongside trying to get in front.  Shaw stayed ahead but the road headed towards a bridge that spanned a river.  Jim used his sight and saw three police cars coming from the other direction.  They came to a stop near the midway point and formed blockade.  Jim expected Shaw to slow down, but instead he made a sudden jerk to the right.  Jim’s stomach shot down to his feet as he watched the car break through the guardrails and plummet down to the river below.  

Blair moaned into his gag as the largest bump yet bounced him off the top of the trunk he’d been thrown in and then he was thrown savagely against the side of the car again.  Through the pain he wondered if he’d survive the ride to wherever it was Shaw was taking him.  Oh God, _Shaw_.  He trembled as fear curled deep into his belly and he started hyperventilating.  He was on the verge of another panic attack when he felt the car suddenly jerk and then he was weightless for a moment.  His stomach gave a sickening lurch and then he was thrown towards the front of the trunk as the car hit something.  He hit his head on the metal trunk hinge and then lost consciousness.

He wasn’t sure how long he was out but when he came to the wavering movements of the car nearly made him sick.   It was the icy cold water soaking into his clothes that made him realize the car he was in was underwater.  Shit…what was it with him and drowning?  He started to panic again and began hyperventilating when the strangest thing happened.   The realization that he was going to drown again seemed to calm him down.  This was the answer.  This was the way to avoid the pain he knew Shaw would subject him to, the way to avoid being eaten alive.  

A moment later Blair felt water touch his chin and then he felt his body float as the last of the air pocket disappeared.  There was no more breathing room.  He closed his eyes as the water covered his face and felt peace.

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

Niles skidded to a stop and Jim jumped out ignoring Niles calling out behind him.  Without hesitation he dove over the railing and into the water.  

Niles and several police officers watched from above.  One officer radioed the river patrol but they were helpless as they watched the car start sinking down engine first.  Ellison’s head popped up but then he dove and Niles knew he was tracing the car’s passage to the river bottom.

The only noise came from the radio that crackled in the background acknowledging the call for the river patrol and divers.  The seconds crept by as they all watched the spot where the car disappeared, waiting for another sign of Ellison and mutely assessing the possibility of three body retrievals.   

Suddenly the surface was broken by two men, Ellison and Shaw choking and fighting.  The air suddenly filled with noise as more patrol cars pulled up on the bridge.  Two other police cars made their way to the river’s edge and two officers and a civilian jumped out and prepared to dive in.  Niles recognized the PI that Ellison hired.  

Sam jumped out of a patrol car at the water’s edge.  “Aw, hell,” he muttered as he kicked off his shoes and dove into the slow-moving river just as a muffled shot sounded.  He started swimming towards the men and saw them both go underwater.  He might have been out of shape but his body responded as he expected it to, his strokes strong and sure.  He was vaguely aware of others swimming at his side.  They were nearly at the point where they thought the men had gone down when Jim broke the surface.  But he was only there long enough to take several deep breaths and then dive again.  Sam and the others scanned the area.  Where was Shaw?  One of the two police officers signaled that he was going down.  Sam, too, took a deep breath and dove into the murky water but it didn’t take long for him to realize that it was too murky to see anything.  He swam back towards the surface.  As he broke free he again scanned for Ellison and looked at the other two officers.  They both shook their heads.  Sam could see the certainty in their eyes that Ellison had gone too deep, stayed down too long.  A shout from the shore got their attention and they saw the other officer point down river.  Shaw’s body had surfaced facedown and was floating away but Sam ignored that and kept looking around not yet ready to give up hope.

Jim quickly gulped in a huge lungful of air, hyperventilating slightly and then dove again.  He didn’t know how long the fight with Shaw had lasted but that, along with being shot and the cold river water, meant he was quickly depleting his strength.  Despite that, he dove again using his Sentinel sight to find where the car had settled onto the soft river bottom.  He scanned for Blair’s heartbeat but couldn’t find it.  Instead he forced himself to swim even deeper until he made it to the driver’s side door.  He thanked God that it was open.  Lungs screaming, he frantically searched for the trunk release.  It took crucial seconds but he eventually found the release he was looking for.  He pulled it and heard the truck open.  He quickly backed out of the passenger compartment and swam to the back of the car.  Reaching in, he felt a cloth-wrapped bundle and grabbed it.  He kept a death grip on Blair’s jacket as he began to swim towards the surface. 

At some point Jim realized that he wasn’t going to make it.  His arms were no longer able to move and he saw the light above begin to fade.  He mentally apologized to Blair for failing him yet again as the darkness closed in.

Sam took another deep breath as he watched the body float downriver, ignoring the men near him who warned him about diving again.  He swam down fighting the current as he scanned the darkness around him.  He turned around and tried to dive deeper but knew he wouldn’t last.  He spun again for one last look down when out of the gloom he caught a pale shape.  It came closer and he realized that it was a hand.  Ellison’s hand.  Despite his desperate need for air he dove deeper until he reached it.  Lungs screaming and blackness closing in on him he used every ounce of reserve he had to pull Ellison up.  

Sam broke the surface with a gasp that was part scream.  He was aware of hands pulling at him from a boat but he didn’t have the breath to speak.  Instead he kept pulling until Ellison’s hand also broke the surface.  He could hear shouts but couldn’t understand what was said, he only knew that Ellison was being pulled from the water just as he was.  It took another moment to understand that Ellison had a death grip on another body.  It was Sandburg.

\-------------------------------

It was eerie in the blue jungle, darker than he’d ever seen it.  And it was wet.  Moisture dripped all around him, the air so thick with it that he had trouble breathing, but there was no fog, just the humidity accounting for the wetness that found its way into his lungs.  Jim looked around him for a moment, knowing that he was looking for something but wasn’t sure what or where it was.  He just knew that it was precious and he had to find it.  Placing a hand over his nose and mouth to block some of the liquid from entering his lungs he moved forward pushing his way through the thick fronds.  

It was silent except for his gasping breaths.  Water/sweat dripped into his eyes making it hard to see ahead of him but he labored on knowing he had to press forward.  After awhile he realized that he was heading towards a river.  He could hear the water rushing ahead of him, the river no doubt swollen from the perpetual rivulets of water that he sloshed through.  Pushing aside a large leaf he saw the river, black in the approaching gloom.  He became aware of movement and stilled.  There was a panther across the river, its massive head turned his way as the blue eyes focused on him.  They stared at one another for a moment but it dropped its head to lick at another animal lying at its feet.  Jim looked closer and saw that it was a wolf, so wet that it looked as though it had gone swimming and Jim knew that it had drowned but still the panther licked the still body as it tried to coax some reaction.  Jim focused on the wolf trying to ascertain if it was dead.  He saw no sign of breathing so he listened and heard a faint but erratic heartbeat.  In that instant Jim knew he had to help.  

Jim looked both up and down river and saw a downed tree.  Making his way to it he jumped into the river never questioning his need to get to the wolf.   He pulled himself forward fighting the strong current that threatened to drag him away at any moment.  Slowly, hand over hand, he inched his way across the river, somehow finding the footing he needed.  It took every ounce of strength he had but he made it across and dragged himself out of the water.  He lay there for a moment gasping for breath but knew he had to move.  The erratic heartbeat had slowed even more.  Jim dragged himself closer and paused wary of the panther that stood guard over the fallen wolf.  

“Let me help!”  He gasped but was relieved as the panther moved aside to lie down nearby.  Jim rushed to the wolf’s side and listened.  Yes, there was still a heartbeat, faint though it was.  He began rubbing the wolf all over, noting areas where the fur had been ripped out leaving bruised and bloody wounds.  He kept rubbing and added compressions to the abdominal area.  The resulting gush of water from the wolf’s mouth gratified him somewhat.  He listened, not hearing any breathing so he did the only thing he could think of.  Grasping the wolf’s muzzle with both hands he held it closed and tried to force air in through its nose.  He repeated this process several times as he listened.  He was almost sure that air was getting into the lungs when suddenly the wolf’s paws pushed him away.  He jumped back and saw the wolf weakly turn over to vomit more water.  In an instant the panther was back at its side, licking and nuzzling the wolf as lay on the ground weakly coughing but thankfully alive.  

Jim opened his eyes just as the paramedic pulled the resuscitator away.  He rolled over and coughed up water.

“Blair…”  He gasped.  He looked up and saw Sam kneeling next to him.  It only took him a moment to realize that he was deliberately blocking Jim’s view.  He raised his arm to push Sam aside but Sam stopped him.  The paramedic that was bandaging his leg also helped hold him still.

“It doesn’t look good, Jim.”  He said quietly.

“No!  He’s alive!”  Jim struggled to sit up, to push Sam’s hands off of him.  

Reluctantly Sam moved aside so Jim could see the paramedics working on Blair.  Sam was right.  It didn’t look good but Jim knew differently, he could hear Blair’s heart starting to flutter.

“Clear!”  The much loved body jerked once.

Sam watched Ellison stare intently at the man he’d been searching for and finally found only to finally lose him again, but permanently this time.  This part of the job really sucked.  He reached out to put a hand on that broad shoulder only to stop in confusion.  Ellison was smiling.

“I’ve got a heartbeat!”  

Sam watched in awe as the medics put the paddles away and put Sandburg on oxygen.  Sandburg was alive…and Ellison knew it before the paramedics did.  Sam sat back and just shook his head in wonder.

 

* * *


	21. Chapter 21

Sam pulled the blanket the ER staff had given him tighter around his chest as he walked around the outside of the hospital having a smoke while he waited to see if the kid made it.  He’d just field stripped his butt out of habit and dropped it into the trashcan when he saw a beautiful but bitchy looking blonde march up to him.  

“Are they still being treated?  What’s Ellison’s condition?”

Sam wasn’t in the mood to be barked at so he just put his hands up.  

"Whoah, hey slow down there, lady.  Who the hell are you?”

“Special Agent Niles, FBI.  I was with Ellison at the bridge.  I saw you dive in after them.  How are they?”

“Haven’t heard yet.  I was about to go back in…”  Niles didn’t wait to hear the rest of his statement.  She turned and headed into the ER without him.

“Yeah, I can tell you’ll go far in the Bureau.  You’ve got _just_ the right attitude.”  He griped to her retreating back.  “Fucking Feebs.”  Sam muttered as he followed her in.

\----------------------------

Jim dropped his head back down onto Blair’s bed.  He’d gotten rid of Niles but he’d finally hit the wall, the discussion with her and his own near drowning  and injured leg severely depleted what little reserves of energy he had.  Then, to top it all off, he’d had to fight with the doctors to remain at Blair’s side until they’d finally gotten the fax from Cascade General Hospital naming Jim as Blair’s healthcare proxy.

He ran a hand tiredly over his face but looked back over to the door to see Sam peek in.

“I thought you were going to pass out at your hotel.  Why’d you come back?”

“Decided you needed a change of clothes, boss.  Here.”  Sam handed over Jim’s small bag.

Jim smiled his thanks as he put the bag against the wall.  It’d be good to put his own clothes on even though he’d been given some scrubs to wear. 

“No change?”  

“No.  He’s still in a coma.  They won’t know his condition until he wakes up.  They think he could have some brain damage since they don’t know how long he was without oxygen.”

“And what do you think?”

Jim looked at Sam and wondered what he knew.

“Look, boss, I know there’s a lot more between you and Sandburg than what you’re saying.  Now, now…”  Sam put up his hands at the obvious anger that erupted on Ellison’s face.  “I’m not talking about that.  That’s none of my business, but I am talking about this Sentinel thing.  No, don’t bother trying to deny it and to tell you the truth, I really don’t care.  I just figured that maybe you had some insight into whether or not he’s going to be okay.”

Jim considered the man before him, the man who’d just saved not only his life, but Blair’s too.  He thought about the dream he’d had a few hours ago.  He’d been back in the jungle but this time he remembered walking, the panther at his side.  The wolf was also walking but he was separated from them.  In fact, it seemed as though Jim and the panther were following the wolf, not staying close enough to interact but just close enough to watch, to protect.  Somehow Jim knew that they needed to stay close but that it was up to the wolf to decide when they could approach.

“I think he’s going to be okay.”

Sam nodded believing what Ellison said and feeling relieved.  “Good.  I guess I’ll be going, then.”

“Take care, Sam…and thanks.  For everything.”

“No worries, boss, just part of the service.”  Sam smiled, hopeful in a way he couldn’t name that these two men would figure everything out.  “I’ll send you my final bill.”

Jim nodded and lifted a hand in a simple wave.   He sighed as the door closed and then leaned back into the chair they’d brought in when they finally realized he was serious about not leaving.  He felt that Blair would be alright.  But what he didn’t know was whether or not _they’d_ be alright.  Time would tell.  With a last look at Blair he closed his eyes and slipped into sleep.

\--------------------------------

“Hey man, how you holding up?”  

Simon handed Jim a cup of coffee and a bag with a sandwich as he slipped into the next seat in the waiting room.  Jim looked like shit but at least he was eating and keeping it down.  Simon wondered if he’d slept at all since Sandburg had been brought in.  He took another good look at his friend and decided that yes, he had slept a little.  Simon let Jim eat and then learned that a still unconscious Blair had been taken upstairs for a CAT scan.  If it was okay Blair would be cleared for transfer to Cascade General at Jim’s request.  Although there was nothing wrong with Riverton’s small hospital, Jim was more comfortable having Blair cared for at CGH.  Plus, they’d be near Dr. Jack Azaria, the psychiatrist who worked with Cascade PD.  Blair had had a few talks with him right after he’d been kidnapped by David Lash.  Jim had already called him to let him know that Blair might need his help again. 

“I’m okay, Simon, thanks.”  Jim took a sip of the welcomed brew.  “Did Niles close her case?”

“Yeah, Shaw’s ID was confirmed so Niles is happy.  Ashlyn Simmons is back at home so the congressman is happy.  Lee and Garrett are in custody and their house is closed so Vice is happy.  So now we just need to see to our own.  So what’ll it take, Jim?”

Jim looked at his Captain and his friend.  “I don’t know, Simon.  I’ll do whatever it takes to make Blair happy, but until he can tell me what that is…”  Jim shook his head and looked back down into his coffee.  

“And if Sandburg’s happy, you’ll be, too?”  

“Simon, all I know is that I have to keep him in my life somehow.  I need him…and not just for my senses.  I love him.”

“Finally.”  Simon let out a deep breath and gave his friend a smile.  He wouldn’t have believed it if what had happened to Blair would change Jim’s feelings. “So how are your senses doing?”

“Back to normal.  It’s his heartbeat.  Just hearing it grounds me.  I find myself listening for it no matter where he’s at.”

Simon looked at his friend.  This Sentinel shit still confused and scared him a bit but as long as Ellison and Sandburg kept it under control, he could deal with it.  With a nod and a smile he sat back to wait.

 

* * *


	22. Chapter 22

Jim woke with a start from the same dream.  He ran a hand over his face idly noting the stubble.  He couldn’t really remember when he’d last shaved.  As usual when he awoke he reached over to the bed to lift Blair’s still hand.  He rubbed the palm with his thumb as he reached up to gently run his other hand over Blair’s head, the bristles just long enough to lay down instead of sticking straight up.   He remained like that for a moment, his eyes sliding shut again in fatigue.

In his dream he’d again walked a path parallel to that of the wolf, the panther at his side.  The wolf had gained weight; its fur had grown in to cover the scars that he knew remained from its wounds.  But still the wolf remained aloof following a rocky and bramble-filled path only it could see.  Occasionally the wolf would turn as though to check whether the Jim and the panther remained near and each time Jim tried to see what was in its eyes, but they gazed at him emotionlessly for a moment before it turned to continue its trek.

“W-why?”

Jim started at the raspy sound, a smile breaking out when he saw the beloved sapphire blues looking back at him. 

“Blair!”  Jim reached for the call button to summon the nurse.  He squeezed the hand he held but it remained lax in his.  “Blair?”

Blair tried to clear his throat and Jim reached for a cup of water and bent the straw so that Blair could sip some of the liquid.  Once he dropped his head back onto the bed he again looked at Jim, his expressionless eyes pinning him to his seat.

“Wh-why d-did you s-s-save me?”

Jim was stunned.  Had Blair wanted to die?  Then it struck him, Blair thought that he’d still be with Shaw.

“Blair, Shaw is dead.  He can’t hurt you anymore…”

Blair closed his eyes.  He wanted to explain that he’d been prepared to die, that it would have been easier to die than to live.

Just then the nurse came in and upon seeing Blair awake began to check his vitals.  Eyeing the silent men curiously, she promised to notify the doctor and then left.

“Chief, please…there’s some things I need to tell you…”

But Blair merely turned away effectively shutting Jim out.  Jim didn’t understand what was happening but then the doctor came in and asked Jim to step out so that he could examine Blair.  Jim tried to argue and the doctor asked Blair if he wanted Jim to stay.  Blair remained mute for a moment and then, with a tiny movement, shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Ellison, but you’ll need to wait outside.”

Jim felt like someone had sucker punched him as all the air left his lungs.  With a small nod he turned and left the room.

As he sat outside he began telling himself that Blair just needed some time to process everything, that he’d be okay once everything settled down.  But no matter what he told himself, there remained a yawning chasm of uncertainty and fear.  What if Blair no longer wanted him in his life?

Sometime later the doctor came out of the room.  He knew that Jim was listed as next of kin on Blair’s paperwork so he had a right to know what was happening, but he didn’t relish the discussion that was about to take place.

“Mr. Ellison?”  

Jim began to stand but the doctor waved him back into his seat.  “How is he, doctor?”

“Mr. Ellison, I’ve completed an initial assessment of Mr. Sandburg’s condition and he appears to have sustained no lasting damage from his injuries.  I’d like to keep him for observation for a few more days to make sure there are no other problems.”  He paused at Ellison’s heartfelt sigh.  “However, I’m sure you’re aware of the emotional trauma he suffered…”

“Doctor, he was kidnapped and tortured.  He’s been raped and he nearly drowned, so yes, there’s been significant emotional trauma.  I’ve already contacted Dr. Azaria to see if Blair wanted to talk to him.  Blair’s spoken with him before…”

“Yes, that excellent.  I’ve already recommended counseling to Mr. Sandburg and he has agreed.  And I’ve known Dr. Azaria for quite some time.  He’s an excellent psychiatrist.”  

“Good, okay, that’s great, doctor.  When can I see Blair?”

“Well, that is a problem, Mr. Ellison.  Mr. Sandburg stated that he wanted absolutely no visitors, and I’m afraid he said that the restriction applied specifically to you.”

Jim was in shock.  All he could do was stare at the doctor.  Blair refused to see him.  Blair _specifically_ refused to see _him_.  It took him a moment to realize that the doctor was still speaking.

“…I can let you know his condition.  Please give him some time.  He’s been through a great deal and that does affect his current perceptions…”  The doctor paused at the bleak look in the steel blue eyes.  He noted the tick in the strong jaw and decided to suggest that Dr. Azaria stop by to speak with Mr. Ellison as well.  It’s not just the victim that needed help in abuse cases.

“Is it alright if I wait out here?”

“Of course.  Mr. Sandburg is scheduled for another scan later this morning.  Dr. Azaria will see him this afternoon.” 

Jim nodded and sat back as the doctor left.  His mind went back to what Blair had said that day in the restaurant kitchen.  He’d said that he was no good for Jim.  And today, he’d asked why Jim had saved him.  In the letter Blair had written he kept calling himself stupid, he’d talked about his stupid mistakes.  Blair probably thought that everything that had happened to him had been his own fault…and he couldn’t have been more wrong.  But how was Jim going to convince him of that?  Or could Dr. Azaria convince him?  Jesus, Blair, why do these things keep happening to you?  To us?  And what’s with the drowning?

The last time was when Jim had pushed Blair away, kicked him out of the loft when Alex Barnes had come into the picture.  Blair had drowned, had literally died then, too.  This time Blair had walked out on his own, but the end result had been the same.  Not for the first time Jim wished Incacha was around so that he could get some guidance.  But the one thing he knew for sure was that he and Blair needed to be together, that things went drastically wrong when they weren’t.  Sure, they’d both been hurt a few times.  Hell, sometimes it seemed as though their lives were like a television show, guns blazing, constant drama and injuries to keep the masses entertained.  But it was worse when they were apart and somewhere deep in his gut he knew that was the key.  The Sentinel and Guide needed to stay together. 

And now to convince Blair…something he couldn’t really do until Blair was ready to talk to him.   How long didn’t matter.  There was just one thing that he was sure of…that, for now, his path needed to parallel Blair’s.  So he settled in to wait for as long as he needed to.

 

* * *


	23. Chapter 23

Blair looked up from the documentary he was trying to watch, his eyes constantly straying to the figure outside.  The figure was sitting on a bench by the pond occasionally feeding the ducks when he grew tired of reading.  He’s been reading a lot lately.  

Yet again, guilt flowed through him for keeping Jim away.  But there was so much he still needed to straighten out in his own head.  He pushed a couple of fingers up under his glasses to wipe away the moisture that had gathered there.  God, if he could at least stop crying!  Dr. Azaria said it was normal and that he should allow himself to feel whatever it was he needed to, but of all the emotions running rampant through him he hated self-pity the most of all.  

He sighed and continued to look out of the window to the figure at the bench.  As usual, it was Jim that occupied most of his thoughts.  Yes he hated self-pity, but he feared what he figured he would see in Jim’s eyes when they finally did meet.  He could just imagine the pity and disgust he was sure would be there.  After all, why would Jim want anything to do with him after what he’d been through?  After what he’d done?   

He gave himself a mental head slap…Jim probably just wanted closure on this whole mess, right?  After all, Jim had already said that his ride was through so what more could Jim want beyond dealing with all the loose ends?

Blair re-adjusted his glasses and then pulled them off to give a slight bend to the part that went over his left ear.  There, that did it.  This pair hadn’t been fitted because Blair didn’t pick them up from the optometrist himself.  They’d shown up one day along with a brand new robe, two sets of pajamas, slippers and several pairs of really warm wooly socks.  He knew that he’d mentioned once in a session that he couldn’t seem to get warm.  He figured his Mom had sent them.  Of course they hadn’t given them to him until he proved that he was no longer a threat to himself.

Blair sighed.  He couldn’t believe that he’d tried to hurt himself, didn’t even really remember using the broken IV clip to saw into his wrists, but he did remember the blood.  Since then, though, things had gotten better.  He was having daily sessions with Dr. Azaria to treat him for the stress of his trauma…traumas… and he’d finally come to believe that the whole dissertation fiasco had truly not been his fault.  That nothing that had happened to him had been his fault.  He wasn’t stupid in any way…but maybe just unlucky, a trouble magnet.  And that was something he had absolutely no control over.  But he could, and would, get through it.  He just wished he could get his stutter back under control.  Unlike all the other times from his childhood, his mother’s return hadn’t helped.

He’d allowed a visit from Naomi a few days after the restrictions had been lifted.  He’d been glad to see her but was dismayed at her entrance.  She’d come in quietly, the total antithesis to her usual arrival and it hurt Blair to see it.  They spoke for a long time and Blair was sure that with the help of her retreats and a lot of meditation she’d be alright.  He just wished he could say the same for himself.

He watched the man sitting on the bench for a while longer and was surprised to see Dr. Azaria join him there.  He wondered briefly what they talked about.  Dr. Azaria had already told him about the lawyers Jim had contacted on his behalf as well as what Jim had learned from Dr. Thornton regarding his doctoral candidacy.  It seems that all those things that he’d thought he’d lost were being restored except for one thing.  The thought that he’d never regain his place in Jim’s life still sent a shard of pain through his chest.  A moment later a knock interrupted his dark thoughts and he quickly wiped his eyes.   

“C-c-come in.”  Blair smiled when he saw Dr. Azaria.  He’d been so lost in thought that he hadn’t noticed when the doctor had left Jim.  He quickly glanced back out of the window and saw Jim tossing bits of bread to the ravening hoard of ducks and geese.  The sight made him smile.

“It amazes me how much those ducks can eat.  I don’t think your friend can ever bring enough bread.”

“Doc, why d-d-does he keep c-c-coming?  Is it j-just so th-that you c-can tell him my p-p-progress?”

“My, my, I’d say your self-esteem issues are no longer a problem if you think all we do is talk about you.”  

Blair laughed at the twinkle in the doctor’s brown eyes.

“Actually, I’ve been having regular sessions with Jim to discuss several things…and only some of them relate to you, Blair.”  Dr. Azaria knew he wasn’t giving out any confidential information since Blair knew that he kept Jim up to date on Blair’s progress.  He had been more than happy to relate that he felt Blair was ready to leave and have only out-patient visits.  But it remained to be seen what Blair would do once he was released.  He was aware that the two men had lived together before Blair’s abduction, but Blair had yet to speak with Jim.  He hoped to get the two men back to at least speaking terms before releasing him.

“Oh.”  Blair said quietly.  He found it hard to believe that Jim would seek out Dr. Azaria for himself and he worried about what Jim had told him.  Did the doctor know about Jim’s senses?  Was he having other problems now?  He needed to talk to him, find out what was wrong…  Concern for Jim flooded through him and then his stomach clenched as he remembered their estrangement, an estrangement he had started that day long ago and that was perpetuated by him.  Jim hadn’t wavered in his attention the entire time he’d been in the hospital, hadn’t given up hope of finding him the entire time he’d been gone.  Jim had found him more than once, had saved his life and now stayed close to him…why?  

Dr. Azaria watched the flood of emotions across the expressive face until they ended with one.  Confusion.

“What’s the matter, Blair?”

“D-Doc, wh-why is he h-here?”  The open pleading look in the blue eyes convinced Dr. Azaria that it was time to tackle the last issue, namely the relationship between these two men.

“Blair, he cares about you.”

Blair shook his head.  “N-no, he’s j-just got it i-in his h-head that he a-always has to pro-protect me.  I m-mean, why n-not?  It’s o-obvious I d-don’t do a great j-j-job of that m-myself…”

“Blair, we’ve already discussed this.  You had no control over those outside forces.  In fact, it’s remarkable how well you survived through situations that could have proved too much for many others.”

Blair nodded his head.  Yes, he did know that.  He had survived.  He was strong.  

“So wh-why is he s-seeing you?”

“Blair, he has his own issues to work through.  One he says you know about.  It’s his fear-based response to…”  Dr. Azaria paused as the small smile broke out across the full lips.  “I see you’re familiar with this?”

Blair nodded, still smiling but it slipped away at the doctor’s next words.

“Well, he blames himself for a misunderstanding between you regarding your dissertation and feels his reaction caused the breach you now have.  He has quite a few thoughts on several issues he didn’t feel at liberty to discuss with me, but he says he’d discuss them with you, if you’re willing.”

Blair looked down at his hands.  Jim had acknowledged that he acted on what Blair had called his fear-based response.  At the time it had also caused a small rift between them when Jim had read part of the dissertation before it was ready.  But they had worked through that and obviously Jim had conceded the point if he was seeing Dr. Azaria about it, but what else was he seeking help with?  Again, Blair doubted that Jim had related his sensory advantages, so maybe this had to do with his own life, or maybe it was something to do with Blair.  Either way it looked like Jim wanted to talk to him about it and, as Blair would always do, he’d put himself aside for the needs of his Sentinel.  With a glance back at the quiet doctor, Blair nodded.

* * *


	24. Chapter 24

It didn’t take long before someone else was knocking at his door.  Blair wondered briefly if Jim had run once Dr. Azaria had given him the word.  The thought brought a small smile to his face and he felt a flash of guilt for treating Jim so impersonally.  The guilt intensified at the hesitant entry of his Sentinel.

“Blair?”  

Blair gave him a small smile and motioned him to the only other seat in the room which was next to the window by his.

Jim moved to the seat and let his gaze take in the man sitting before him.  Blair did look better.  The shadows were almost gone from under his eyes and the lines of strain had eased but he was still painfully thin and pale.  The beard had been shaved off while he was in the coma but the shorn head still attested to the changes in him.  God, there was so much he wanted to say but nothing seemed to come to mind as he drank in every detail of his Guide.

“You’re looking a lot better, Chief…”  Jim’s voice trailed away.  Blair just sat there, his eyes traveling over Jim just as keenly as his had moments before.  He struggled to find something, say something that would break Blair’s silent contemplation of him.

“Are you warm enough?  I can get more socks if you like them, maybe some sweats if you want…”

Blair looked at him for a moment, his head cocked to the side in confusion.  He should have realized that Jim had brought him those things.  Jim knew he liked to be warm.  He continued his perusal, noted that he had lost weight and that he was limping slightly but somehow JIm seemed to be physically okay which eased his mind a bit although he wasn’t pleased with the stress lines around Jim’s eyes.  And, looking closely, Blair was shocked to see nothing but sorrow and…was it longing in those eyes?  That couldn’t be right so he remained mute waiting for Jim to continue.

Blair’s stillness and silence was completely unnerving Jim.  He decided to get to the point.

“I’m so sorry, Chief.  I was wrong in the way I acted.  Nothing that happened was your fault but I took it out on you…just like I always do.  God, I don’t know how you stood by me for so long!  I’ve wronged you more than once…”

This couldn’t be right.  Jim shouldn’t be the one apologizing.  

“I m-m-messed up…left the d-d-dissert-t-tation on my c-c-computer…”

Jim looked into the beloved eyes and saw them fill with tears.  In a flash he was beside Blair, he knelt down next to Blair’s chair and took his hand.  Blair immediately stiffened but Jim was prepared for that.  Dr. Azaria had been keeping him well apprised of Blair’s condition.

“No, Blair…it was your Mom…”  He held up his hand at the protective retort he knew was coming.  “She did it out of love for you, Chief.  She only wants what’s best and although I could question her actions, I’d never question her motivation.  But it wasn’t your fault, Chief.  Please believe that.  I do.” 

“Y-you s-s-said m-m-my r-r-ride is o-over,” Blair struggled to get the words out.  “Y-you d-d-don’t want…s-s-senses.  D-d-don’t n-need me…”

Jim looked deeply into Blair’s eyes.  “Chief, I’m so sorry for the way I reacted.  I was wrong and I’m working on not ever letting my fear get to me like this again, I swear it.  But you need to understand this, Blair.  I was angry about all the crap my heightened senses have put us through and I’ve wanted them gone more than once, but I have never…and I mean _never_ …wanted _you_ out of my life.”

Jim looked up and saw the hint of skepticism in the deep blue eyes.

“I know what you’re thinking, Chief.  Yeah, for quite awhile I saw you and the whole Sentinel thing as so intertwined that I couldn’t separate the two.  But you, Blair Sandburg, you wormed your way under my skin and then I began to worry that if I didn’t have these abilities, you wouldn’t want to be around me at all and I couldn’t bear that.  I think that’s part of why I reacted the way I did when Alex Barnes showed up.  I was hurt and I figured that with her around you wouldn’t need me so I hit out first and almost lost you.”   

Blair was amazed.  Jim had never articulated his thoughts and feelings like this.  “J-Jim…”

“Blair, please…let me finish, okay?”  Jim took a deep breath.  “You’re my best friend.  I need you in my life and not just as my Guide.  And that’s when the realization hit that even if my senses were normal in every way, I Would Still Need You.  And the fact that you don’t know that is _my_ stupid fault.”  Jim shifted and slid his hands up Blair’s arms to rest on his biceps.  “Blair, because of the way I reacted I almost lost the most important person in the world to me… _twice._ ” 

Wide blue eyes looked deeply into Jim’s.  “Wh-who, Jim?”  

“You, Blair!  I care about _you_.  Please tell me I didn’t screw this up.”

Shock widened the blue eyes.  “N-no, Jim, you c-can’t mean…you n-n-need help with your s-s-senses and I will, I p-p-promise, but y-you c-can’t b-be saying what I th-think you’re s-saying…”

“Chief, you’re my Guide so the senses are a part of it, sure, but there _is_ more…so much more than I’ve ever told you.”  

Blair stared at him, wanting desperately to believe but so afraid, so very afraid.  If Jim ever tried to kick him out of his life again there’d be nothing left.  Nothing.

“I don’t know…maybe it’s the tough guy image that’s so ingrained in me.  I was afraid to let you know how much I need you near me.  Blair I need to hear your heartbeat to ground me, I need your scent…”

“S-so it _is_ a S-sentinel th-thing…”

“No, Blair…it’s so much more.”  Jim looked down for a moment.  It was now or never but Blair needed the truth, he deserved it.  He looked back up, his eyes intense as he strived to make Blair believe him.  “Blair, I figured out that I loved you way before I realized how much I needed you.  I just,” Jim took a deep breath.  “I just didn’t think you would ever feel the same way.”

Blair was silent, he seemed shocked and Jim looked away.  Blair obviously didn’t feel the same way and he was afraid to let Blair see the pain he knew was in his eyes. 

Blair looked down at the bent head unable to believe what he was hearing.  Jim said that he loved him, had been in love with him for a long time.  He moved his hands to grab Jim’s shoulders and that touch made Jim look up.  Blair almost couldn’t believe the surprise that gave way to hope and, yes, the love he saw shining out of the sky blue eyes.  So close…they were so close…could it be true?

“I swear it’s true, Blair.”  Jim answered as though reading Blair’s thoughts.  “But I’m not asking you to feel the same way…I’m asking you to forgive me and, hopefully, let me back into your life on whatever terms you’re comfortable with.  You are my friend, Blair, and I’m asking…no, begging…you to give this aging, bad-tempered asshole whose trying desperately not to respond out of fear another chance.  Blair, _please_!”

This was it…everything he’d ever wanted because he, too, had been in love with Jim almost from the first moment they’d met and yet…

“Jim, the things I’ve done…that were done to me…”  Blair paused as tears rolled down his thin cheeks. 

“Sweetheart…you had no control over what happened.  But you survived!  You overcame everything!  You were making a new life for yourself and you still are.  You have so many choices, now.  God, Blair, you are so much stronger than you realize.  You’re amazing and I love you, so damn much.  Please, please let me be a part of your life, please let me help.”

Blair smiled.  _He called me sweetheart…_   And suddenly Blair knew that it would be alright.  He had to be with Jim, had to be with his Sentinel, his friend…and not just because he was needed but because he was loved.  And although Blair knew he still had a long road to travel before he’d be completely well, he also knew he wouldn’t be alone.  He brought his arms up and pulled Jim close, felt Jim’s arms come around him to hold him tightly.

“Yeah, Jim.  We’ll do this together.”  He whispered into Jim’s ear.  Then he pulled back slightly to look into Jim’s eyes.  “I love you, too, Jim.”  His smile widened at the awe and love he saw blazing in Jim’s eyes and then he bent his head needing now the one thing that had helped him through so much of his ordeal.  He moved his hands from Jim’s back to his face and pulled Jim’s head towards him, placing his lips so very gently on Jim’s.  He felt the strong arms tighten even more, holding him securely as Jim slowly deepened the kiss.  It felt so right and he realized that the fear he had been keeping bottled up inside was slowly slipping away.  Here, then, was where he needed to be, with this man at his side and regardless of where the path led them, he’d be home.

* * *


End file.
